The College Handbook

Written by Walt Mueller

This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers.

Brace yourself. The avalanche of college brochures will rapidly descend during your child’s junior year of high school. You’ll dig through the pile of propaganda in disbelief. Although you may wince at the mere thought of kissing your teenager good-bye on the steps of his freshman dorm, the sooner you prepare him (and yourself), the better.

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The transition from high school to college has always been challenging. For those living on campus, 18 years of daily face-to-face contact with Dad and Mom yield to the freedom and ability to do “what you want, whenever you want.” When you combine that with strong moral and behavioral pressures, the transition can be especially difficult.

Eric Bierker has spent years helping families prepare for the college transition. A high school guidance counselor and owner of College Transition Group (www.collegetransitiongroup.com), Bierker says that “almost all college freshmen substantially overestimate their ability to adjust.” But, the good news, he says, is that “adolescents who have a higher degree of foreknowledge are better able to plan their responses.” To aid this process, here are five things to consider before you pack up the car and head for campus.

1. Freedom dynamics. Your high school senior needs to prepare for the freedom and responsibility he’ll face during his freshman year of college. Prepare him by providing opportunities to develop good decision-making skills and by allowing him to enhance his critical thinking by exploring reasonable alternatives with him—before he flies solo.

2. Faith views. If your teen opts for a Christian higher education, he’ll study under professors who teach a biblical worldview. But what if he sits in classrooms where professors have no regard for the Christian perspective? Teach him how to assimilate life and academic disciplines with a Christian worldview.

These summer reads can help:
- Don’t Check Your Brains at the Door by Josh McDowell, Bob Hostetler (W Publishing Group)
- A Heart for Truth: Taking Your Faith to College by Greg Spencer (Baker)
- How to Stay Christian in College by J. Budziszewski (NavPress)
- Chris Chrisman Goes to College: and Faces the Challenges of Relativism, Individualism, and Pluralism by James Sire (InterVarsity Press)
- The Survival Guide for Christians on Campus by Tony Compolo and William Willimon (Howard Publishing).

3. Christ-centered academics and career choices. If you ask most high school students about their motivation for good grades in high school, their reasoning goes something like this: “I want to get good grades to get into the right college.” Few say, “I want to learn as much as I can in order to serve and glorify Christ wherever I am.”

Lead your teenager to understand that Christ is the Lord over all of life, including academic and vocational choices. Bierker recommends that you put your high school student in touch with professionals who follow Christ so he can “experience how professionals incarnate faith into vocational calling.”

4. Adjustment difficulties. The greatest period of change in your child’s life is between May of his senior year in high school and December of his freshman year in college. The college campus can be a jungle. Calls from resident hall advisors at Christian colleges to counselors are on the rise as they struggle with epidemic rates of depression, eating disorders, and self-mutilation in their dormitories.

To help your student adjust, Bierker suggests that you look for churches close to campus before your student arrives on campus. One key is to find a congregation where pastors and church family go out of their way to connect with students and to bring them into the supportive community of the church.

5. Temptations. Temptations are as easy to find on campus as water—even at Christian schools. Remind your student that the party life is a quick road to emptiness. Convey God’s standards for alcohol use and sexual relationships and warn your student of the dangers.

“College relationships bring the most comfort and cause the most pain,” says Bierker.
Proverbs 13:20 reminds us of a basic spiritual principle: “The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” Your teen’s circle of friends in college will have a great influence on the adult he becomes. In a college environment, where alcohol use and sexual promiscuity are rampant, go out of your way to communicate a biblical view of relationships and sexuality to your teenager.

If your student has already packed away his cap and gown, remember: Commencement is about beginnings, not endings. Take deliberate steps now to get your teenager emotionally and spiritually ready for the next big step. And if your teen still has a year or more left in high school, begin now to prepare him for the road ahead.

Walt Mueller is the president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and author of Understanding Today’s Youth Culture.