8 Ways to Give Your Teen Peace of Mind

Written by Walt Mueller

This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers.

The rash of recent FDA warnings regarding the use of antidepressants among teenagers reminds parents that life for teens can be extremely hard. It is especially hard for the estimated one out of every eight adolescents who suffers from depression.1

 While the facts about teenage depression are discouraging, many adolescents make it through the difficult teenage years relatively well-adjusted emotionally. Over the years, my curiosity has led me to question emotionally healthy teenagers to discover the role parents play in thwarting adolescent depression. My simple and straightforward question has been this: “What do your parents do to help you move and grow through your teenage years in an emotionally healthy way?” Here’s how they responded.

1. My parents create a stable family environment.
While most teens will find themselves feeling alone, rejected, and somewhat hopeless from time to time, those who suffer from depression say they feel alone, rejected, and hopeless at home. Teens most vulnerable to this dejection are those who live in an abusive home environment, have parents with alcohol or drug problems, or have a home life characterized by arguing, discord, disruptions, separation, absent fathers, or divorce.
 
God created the family to be a center of unconditional love, mutual caring, and intimacy, a place where children can be themselves without fearing rejection. As teens raised by parents who create a stable environment prove, emotional suffering is less likely to occur in families characterized by love and stability.

2. My parents lead me to spiritual maturity.
One of the awesome tasks of parenting is the job of serving as signposts. Parents are to point their children, by precept and example, to the God of the universe. There is nothing that can replace the hope that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ as a stabilizing influence in the life of a teenager. Emotionally healthy teens tell me that their parents’ faith in God gives them a stable rock and a point of reference as they travel the often-times difficult road of adolescence.

3. My parents model and teach a biblical theology of pain and suffering.
We live in a feeling-oriented society that seeks to avoid pain and pursue pleasure. Because we don’t like to suffer, we tend to get down or depressed when things get difficult. Wise parents strengthen their teenagers’ faith and fortitude during adolescence by letting them know that pain and suffering are part of life and are temporary. They also remind youth that God uses tough times to glorify Himself.

4. My parents spend time with me.
Time together fosters openness among teenagers and unclogs the lines of parent-teen communication. The open lines facilitate opportunities for teens to talk about the struggles of life. We must give our children our undivided attention and our time.

5. My parents love me for who I am.
So many emotionally distraught teenagers feel stress because they believe they’re not measuring up to their parents’ expectations. Praise and attention come only when the report card is perfect, a game is won, or when the teen measures up in some other way. But emotionally healthy teenagers say their parents let them be themselves, encourage them to glorify God by doing their best, and tell them they love them no matter how well they do.

6. My parents helped me develop a network of significant adults.
Wise parents know that their teenagers sometimes need to go elsewhere to find a listening ear, encouragement, and wise counsel. Emotionally healthy teenagers are encouraged by their parents to develop friendships with Christian neighbors, pastors, church members, and student leaders who will love them and invest time in their lives.

7. My parents attend a church that models Christ-like love.
Wise parents surround their children with a church family characterized by Christ-like love, openness, compassion, and a belief in the healing process. Emotionally healthy teens feel the freedom to hurt and to express that hurt openly to both their parents and their extended church family without being shunned.

8. My parents pray for me.
Teenagers face difficult situations, pressures, and choices on their way to becoming adults. Those who have strong emotional grounding say their parents are actively involved in their lives while placing them securely in the hands of almighty God. Their parents pray for and with them regularly, asking God to protect them from emotional harm, to guide them into making healthy choices, and to provide for their well-being—physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.

In a day and age where depression is becoming more common among the young, prevention is still the best medicine. As parents, we are appointed by our Heavenly Father to dispense the preventive prescription on a daily basis.

1. “Statistics–Adolescent Depression” About Teen Depression [online], [cited 13 January 2005]. This study is available from Internet: www.about-teen-depression.com.

Walt Mueller is the president of the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding and author of Understanding Today’s Youth Culture. You can learn more about CPYU on the Web by visiting www.cpyu.org.

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