Q & A: We Disagree About Tithing

Written by Greg & Erin Smalley

This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

Q. I believe we should tithe, but my husband doesn’t. My husband is a Christian, but he says tithing isn’t necessary. I disagree. How do I honor my husband and honor God?

A. Tithing itself is not a difficult concept. It’s clearly taught in the Old Testament (see Malachi 3:8), and Jesus affirmed the practice in Matthew 23:23, adding that we shouldn’t neglect the practice of justice, mercy, and faithfulness. First Corinthians 16:2 sets out four principles for giving — it should be regular, personal, proportional, and voluntary.

 Simply put, as Christians, we are to live open-handedly, acknowledging that we are merely stewards of God’s possessions.

The issue for you, however, is how to honor both your mate and God. We believe that if your husband strongly objects to tithing, you need to respect those objections and place the subject on the back burner until you’re able to discuss it further to keep it from becoming a divisive issue in your marriage. And since tithing involves money, it’s a prime candidate for conflict in a marriage. Since tithing is a matter of the heart, however, God will honor your desire to tithe even if you aren’t able to give. The Scriptures make this clear in

2 Corinthians 8:12: “If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have” (NIV).

Once you have a solution to the immediate question, then you can move on to the deeper issue. Find out what’s really behind your husband’s stance. Ask about his opinions and beliefs without being judgmental. For your husband, the real issue might be his concerns about your financial security in an unstable economy or that your debt levels are so high he doesn’t feel able to tithe. Perhaps he has questions about supporting a ministry he doesn’t yet understand or feel a part of.

The point is to listen and seek to understand your husband’s feelings. When you discover the real issue, you’ll be able to address it together from a point of empathy and understanding.

Dr. Greg Smalley is president of the Smalley Marriage Institute and chairman of the board of the National Marriage Association. Erin Smalley is trained as a clinical psychologist and is currently a speaker and stay-at-home mom. They live in Branson, Mo., with their three children. Learn more at www.smalleymarriage.com.

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