Cut the Sarcasm

Written by Rodney A. Wilson

This article is courtesy HomeLife magazine.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

See if this sounds familiar: Two couples are talking when one wife says, “The other day my husband surprised me with a dozen red roses. Wasn’t that thoughtful?” The other wife replies, “If my husband ever does that, find the nearest telephone and call 9-1-1 because I’ve had a heart attack!”

 All laugh, but the non-rose-giving husband feels pain, a reaction to sarcasm — that form of communication with a stinger in its tail. It’s not healthy, yet it’s oh-so-prevalent in conversations between husbands and wives.

What Is Sarcasm?

My dictionary is ancient, but its definition of sarcasm is classic. “Sarcasm” comes from a word meaning “to tear flesh, like dogs.” It means to be brutal. Have no mercy. Be vicious. Go for the jugular. Tear flesh the way a dog would.

Our culture is filled with insecure — and insincere — people. Often people will reason, “If I cut down those around me (including my spouse), then I will look cooler, more together, and generally better than everyone else.”

And our culture encourages unhealthy sarcasm because of its potential for laughter. (Have you watched a prime-time sitcom lately?) Despite its laugh factor, sarcasm can be lethal to relationships.

Effects of Sarcasm on Your Marriage

While humor may appear to soften the blow, the unseen emotional damage of sarcasm can be devastating. I’m convinced many marriages die of a thousand emotional cuts instead of one deadly blow. A steady diet of sarcasm poisons a marriage — so it needs to be eliminated. No good comes from using it.

Trust, a vital ingredient in a healthy marriage, won’t be present when a husband or wife is always braced for the next public or private cutting remark from a spouse. And respect won’t be found in the midst of ridicule. A sarcastic environment robs a marriage of peace and joy, two parts of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in a Christian’s life (Galatians 5:22-23). In essence, sarcasm severely limits the intimacy between a husband and wife.

There are plenty of healthy ways to fit humor into your marriage. Choose to break the sarcasm habit, and die daily to yourself (1 Corinthians 15:31).

What Is Sincerity?

My ancient book of definitions tells me “sincerity” comes from a word meaning “clean, without decay.” A sincere statement has an element of purity. Truth abounds. And where there is truth, trust is free to build and grow.

Sincere communication with your mate also grows confidence between you. There are no hidden agendas, no ulterior motives. You’re open and honest. Knowing where your spouse is on an issue is a real blessing.

I see sincerity as clarity. If I’m trying to speak with Selma sincerely, I want her to understand exactly what I mean. I strive to be as precise and clear as I can in my statements. I need to be willing to repeat and rephrase my words as often as it takes to make sure she gets it. Sincerity is being clear.

Benefits of Sincerity in Your Marriage

Does sincerity ensure agreement? a conflict-free relationship? No, but when you disagree, you know what the issue of conflict really is. With sincerity, you are much more likely to define and address the actual problem. When your heart is sincere toward your mate, even in the heat of battle, you can speak truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).

Sincere communication shows respect for your spouse. You show that you desire to be up front and not to mislead. Your husband or wife — your partner for life — deserves your honesty. Practicing sincerity can drive out deception.

Whether you agree with your mate on a certain issue or not, always show respect to him or her. Words spoken in a respectful tone can build your relationship.

Incorporate sincerity into your marriage because being clear, straightforward, and respectful when you communicate with your mate can build the trust and confidence your marriage needs.

Sarcasm versus sincerity. Choose the latter, and let your marriage thrive and grow.

Rodney A. Wilson is minister of marriage and family enrichment at First Baptist Church in Smyrna, Tennessee. You can reach him at rodney@fbcsmyrna.org.

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