5 Principles for Good Relationships With Your Church Family

Written by James T. Draper, Jr.

A good relationship is characterized by thoughtfulness, sensitivity, loyalty, confidentiality, and kindness (Eph. 4:32). A pastor can have deep convictions and preach firmly without being brutal. Jesus' example demonstrates that pastors earn their right to lead by being a servant.

Here are five things a pastor can do to show that he cares about his people.

1. Visit
Many pastors serve in churches where they could visit every member in his or her home every year.

Walking God's Path - The Ministry of Jimmy Draper

I had all the streets on which church members lived listed with church members’ names and addresses—each street on a different piece of paper and clipped together with rings. If I knew I would be on Scott Street, for example, I checked the sheet and saw that I had 12 members on Scott Street that I could visit. When I went to see one family, I would visit all 12. I could make those 12 visits quicker than I could make 12 visits zigzagging back and forth. I kept a record of when I visited. If no one was at home, I left a card to let people know I had visited.

My goal was to let them know they were important to me. A pastor needs to find excuses to let people know he notices them. Everyone likes to have attention, to feel that someone is interested in them.

2. Write letters or cards
Forty years ago I started writing all my members and their children birthday letters. I was amazed at how many people said they had never before received any sort of personal correspondence from their pastor about anything. Doing that took a little bit of my time, but the returns were tremendous.

Later I started writing people who gave testimonies or sang or did something in the worship service. If the same person sang 10 times a year, he or she would get 10 notes from me. Such actions help to build good relationships.

3. Call
I called everybody who had a death in their family. If they were across the country, I would track them down and call them.

4. Recognize Accomplishments
A pastor should brag about his people. He needs to give them a lot of credit, push them out on the stage, and applaud them.

I used to read the newspapers to see which of the young people excelled in some way. If I found their names, I would write a letter and congratulate them, telling them I had read about them in the newspaper and was proud of them. That built good relationships with teenagers and their families.

5. Guide them
When members moved to another city, I’d always try to find them a church to visit and write the pastor to let him know that they were moving to his area.

The goal is to think of ways to express your sincere love and concern for your people. Little thoughtful things are a big deal to most people. Such care and concern tend to diminish the risk and effect of inevitable conflict in the church.

James T. Draper, Jr. recently retired as the president of LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Before joining the LifeWay staff in August 1991, he served as pastor of Southern Baptist churches in Texas, Oklahoma and Missouri. He is a former president of the Southern Baptist Convention and also served as chairman of trustees of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

He is the author of more than 20 Christian books and has traveled in 33 countries around the world, leading in evangelistic services and activities, as well as other types of conferences and meetings with missionaries and nationals.

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