10 Tips for Good Listening Skills
The skill of listening can be one of the most healing skills Christians can use with persons dealing with crisis situations. Someone with a listening ear can become a life-changing minister when people lose their emotional center of balance.
1. Take the first step.
People experiencing an emotional crisis may show signs of paralysis. Go to them and ask them if you can talk with them. Offer to listen, to let them vent their feelings and frustrations.
2. Know how to pay attention.
Learn to look directly into the other person's eyes. Sit across from a speaker rather than to the side; lean forward slightly. Body language communicates concern.
3. Stop talking!
Let the other person do the talking. Certainly you can ask questions and ask for clarification, but don't dominate the conversation.
4. Be patient.
Fear overwhelms people. Helping people cope with fear may require several weeks or longer. Be prepared to follow up.
5. Maintain confidences.
Be sure to maintain confidences. If you have questions about how to handle something, pray hard and talk with your pastor.
6. Avoid giving advice.
Listeners should be careful not to suggest "solutions." If someone needs special help, ask your pastor or a trained counselor for advice or refer your friend to one of these professionals.
7. Remove distractions.
Find a quiet place somewhere to talk, even if it's your car. Activity around you may draw your eye contact away or cause the speaker to lose thought train.
8. Encourage expressing feelings.
Never tell someone she or he should not feel as she or he does. Emotions reflect something within each of us. Never tell someone you know how he or she feels unless you too have had that experience. Expressing feelings also is a positive step toward healing.
9. Allow silence.
Silence allows people to put thoughts into words. Some people might need several minutes to put thoughts into words. Silence may indicate the person is reflecting on experiences, and he or she may just need time to process.
10. Don't pass judgment.
Whether they feel guilty, hostile, angry and so forth is not important. Your role is to let them talk. Also, don't exacerbate the situation with comments about whether war is right or wrong. Keep conversation focused on the person talking and what he or she is feeling.
Ultimately we may not be able to alter the struggles our friends, families, and fellow citizens face. But our faith in God's ability to heal all of us in the face of tragedy should not be underestimated. The model Jesus left us is one of love and ministry, of touching others' lives and bringing emotional, physical and spiritual healing.
Richard E. Dodge is in charge of continuing education for pastors through the Georgia Baptist Convention
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