Alternatives to Loneliness

Written by Dr. Polly Cooper Brown

This article is courtesy of Mature Living.

Question: I am dreading the Thanksgiving holidays since I know I will be alone. My wife died almost two years ago and our only child is planning to be with her in-laws in another state. She and her family will be gone the entire Thanksgiving week. I try to be positive about my situation, but I am already feeling anxious. What can I do to overcome feeling down (maybe even depressed) about the approaching holidays?

Answer: Holidays are the source of an amazing variety of emotional responses. We have fostered such an idealized picture of an “over the river and through the woods” Thanks-giving season that many of us are disappointed by reality. Your reality is that you cannot be a part of the traditional family gathering this year. While disappointment is certainly understandable and even acceptable for a short period of time, it does not need to be your only response to this situation.

What alternatives to the traditional Thanksgiving gathering have you considered? Would it be possible for you to take a trip during this time? Traveling in a group provides you built-in companions for a period of time and many single senior adults have found it very satisfying. Begin by asking yourself where you have always wanted to go or what you have always wanted to see. This may be the time to do just that.

Have you considered initiating a get-together of people you know at a local restaurant for a celebratory meal? If the traditional meal doesn’t seem like a good idea, try fast food with a “Happy Thanksgiving” atmosphere. And it really doesn’t have to be on Thanksgiving Day. Maybe some of your friends would enjoy a get-together on Saturday after Thanksgiving. That would give you (and them) something to look forward to.

Would you consider helping to serve Thanksgiving dinner to street people or those who live in shelters? Call some local service organizations to volunteer to help with plans they have made. Perhaps your church is distributing food to needy persons during this season. Creating a happier Thanksgiving for others can help you to feel that you have celebrated the holiday.

If you decide to spend the day at home alone, make specific plans for the day. Do you enjoy movies? Rent several movies or go to your local library and check out some classics. Spend the day watching movies. Do you enjoy walking or some other outdoor activity? Plan to spend at least a part of the day doing something you really like to do. Plan the food you want to eat on this special day and make arrangements to have it available. Indulge yourself.

Though activities like these may not be your first choice, they are good choices. Give them a try. Celebrate!

Dr. Polly Cooper Brown is a retired psychologist now residing in Hot Springs Village, Ark.

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