A Simple Prescription for Marriage

Written by René Holt

This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

“Nathan and I are drifting apart,” Claire told her pastor. “It’s not that we don’t get along. But, from the second the alarm rings in the morning until we fall into bed at night, we’re racing — to work, to school, to sports — even to church!”

Enjoy this article? Subscribe to HomeLife

Fortunately, the pastor knew Nathan and Claire well. They were committed to God, to each other, and to their three children. 

He scribbled a few words on a notepad. “Claire, I’d suggest you and Nathan try this simple prescription.”

Claire read the brief instructions:
Hugs (3-4x daily)
Tugs (2-3x daily)
Giggles (min. 2x daily)

Sounds a bit simplistic, doesn’t it? Of course, this prescription isn’t a cure-all for major marital problems, but it can go a long way toward easing the tension and stress that are so damaging to an otherwise healthy marriage. Combined with prayer, couples can begin to find their way out of the marital madhouse.

Hugs
Do you want to feel refreshed? Improve your quality of life and health? Researchers have found that touch, specifically hugging and cuddling, increases the amount of oxytocin in the bloodstream. Called the “cuddle hormone,” oxytocin has been associated with reduced blood pressure, improved moods, and increased tolerance of pain.

What does this have to do with a stressed-out marriage? If you’re feeling well physically, you’ll be more receptive and responsive to your mate’s expressions of affection. Through the power of shared hugs, along with the time invested in sharing them, you provide each other with physical reassurance of being loved and cherished. Without a word, the two of you can express support, comfort, companionship, and understanding. Add that to an abundance of oxytocin, and you’re sure to feel much better about each other and the state of your union.

Tugs
“A house is built by wisdom, and it is established by understanding; by knowledge the rooms are filled with every precious and beautiful treasure” (Prov. 24:3-4).
What are the treasures of your marriage? They’re the heart-tugs of your relationship, the products of affirmations, actions, and affection you and your spouse share. They’re  experiences owned exclusively by the two of you. Your treasures need to be brought out occasionally, examined and shared, just as you would pour over a precious photo album.

Make a list of memorable things your spouse has said to you, the acts of sacrifice, the romantic gestures, and the treasured experiences. Then share one, letting your spouse know how much the memory means to you. Work on those heart-tugs, and see how quickly the emotional and sentimental floodgates will open up.

Giggles
Just like hugging, laughter is good for your body, mind, and spirit. Researchers contend that laughter clears the mind, relaxes the muscles, and boosts the immune system. Even the Bible tells us, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Prov. 17:22).

Psychologist Deanna Kasten writes, “I don’t know about ‘soul mates’ … but I do know that my spouse and I are ‘laugh mates.’” If you can’t describe your spouse as your laugh mate, there’s a lot you can do about it.
• Pay attention to what makes your spouse laugh, then search out jokes and stories that appeal to his sense of humor. 
• Write down cute and hilarious quips from the kids.
• Make note of amusing things that happen at the office. Those stories are a lot more enjoyable than relating the disasters of the day.

A Reader’s Digest survey of happily married couples revealed that over half of those surveyed rated “time spent talking, laughing, and having fun” higher than “quality of sex.” Sharing a comical experience creates a good connection, fine tuning the mutual trust and respect that you share, and helping even the most serious person to laugh at the small stuff of life. 

René Holt has been married to Nick for 38 years. They have two children and are awaiting the arrival of their third grandchild.