Past Emotional Trauma Can Still Create Stress

Written by Dr. Polly Cooper Brown

This article is courtesy of Mature Living.

Question: Fifty years ago I lost my husband in a car accident on our honeymoon. In spite of that tragedy, I have not been afraid to ride in a car until now. Just a few years ago, a terrible fear started coming over me whenever I would ride with other people. (If I drive myself, I am perfectly comfortable.) This fear keeps me from taking even small trips with my friends. I am too embarrassed to tell them about my problem. How can I overcome this?

Answer: It is not unusual for emotional trauma that seems to have been laid to rest to create distress. Sometimes changing circumstances in one’s life trigger the stress. In another section of your letter you said that you never regained memory of the car accident in which your husband, the driver, died. That does not mean that the incident is not in your stored memory. That stored memory can influence you emotionally despite the fact that the accident has been denied to your recall all these years.

The beginning place for overcoming your fear of riding with other drivers is to accept as reasonable that the accident is still affecting you. Why would this fear occur after all these years? I’m not sure, but I can speculate.

As we grow older, we often feel less confident about many things in our lives: the ability to care for ourselves, our health, our place in the world, and so forth. Generalized anxiety from these kinds of concerns may make it important to you to have as much control as possible. Therefore, if you are the driver, you have a greater sense of control over your safety. Whether it is logical or not, that is what your mind is telling you. Perhaps the emotions you are experiencing now did not occur earlier because you had greater confidence in your strength to manage your life. Recognizing that might help you deal more effectively with this specific fear.

What I have said certainly may seem complex to you. I would highly recommend that you find a professional counselor who can help you to understand these things more clearly and deal with them more effectively.

Finally, I would encourage you to tell your friends that although you are embarrassed by your feelings, this is the struggle you are having. Perhaps you should start with one friend that you believe would be supportive. In fact, just acknowledging your fear with that friend might allow you to ride with her for short trips. It could be that as you overcome your fear in one experience, you will gain confidence to try other situations.

Keeping your fear secret is more likely to cause it to grow than to go away. Consider what your first step should be. Seek direction in prayer. Then step out in faith that with God’s help you can learn a new way to handle this problem.

Dr. Polly Cooper Brown is a retired psychologist now residing in Hot Springs Village, Ark.

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