How to Leave Your Church With Grace

Written by Calvin Wittman

We’ve all seen it; many of us have experienced it: a pastor who leaves his church under less than pleasant circumstances. Although it is certainly not the way God wants things to be, the fact remains that many pastors are forced to leave the churches they serve under fire. And while it is impossible to totally circumvent these unfortunate realities there are some principles which, if applied, can help make the transition easier on both the pastor and the church.

The Grace & Truth Paradox: Responding with Christlike Balance

So should you find yourself in the position of having to leave or wanting to leave very badly and finally getting the opportunity here are a few things to consider. 

1. Recognize that the church still belongs to God and only He can make it what it should be.

You don’t have to set everything straight before you leave. As you may realize, many of the forces at work which were instrumental in “pushing” you out the door are systemic and have been around long before you showed up. If you were not able to see a change of heart amongst these folks while you were serving there, it is very unlikely you will effect that change on your way out. There may be some wrongs you need to right before you leave but you don’t need to make sure everyone gets their due. God is able to do this far better than you so leave it to Him.

2. Forgive those who have wronged you.

Forgiveness sets you free to accomplish your next assignment while bitterness holds you a prisoner of the past. Letting go and letting God handle those who mistreated you is not only biblical, it is intensely practical. After leaving a church where I was ill treated I made a conscious decision not to hold on to any of the wrongs which I felt were done to me. Letting go of them enabled me to move directly on into the most fruitful and productive ministry I had ever known.

While it is easy to take things personally, especially when your family is involved, we must remember that we are God’s servants. If we have suffered for His sake then anyone who stood where we stood and preached what we preached would have suffered the same fate. There is great consolation in that.

3. Let your parting words reflect the grace of God not a grudge of the flesh.

As you leave it is often tempting to say things you did not previously feel free to say. Avoid this temptation at all cost.

• Giving people a “piece of your mind” as you leave will only burn bridges which don’t need to be burned.
• The people who have stood by your side through the difficult days will feel betrayed if you act ungodly on your way out. Prove to them that their faith was well placed in your character and leadership.
• Your wife and your children are also watching, thy will notice and remember how you respond. Be an example of God’s grace. After all, your best revenge is a kind and gentle spirit (see Romans 12:20).

As you leave look for things to say which are positive and yet still true. For instance,

• What has God taught you?
• How has He grown you?
• What are some positive things you will take away from the experience?

Remember, one of the most tragic things on earth is wasted pain. Find something good to say.

Who you really are is best seen in the midst of difficulty. As you leave, even if you are leaving under fire, make a conscious choice to leave under grace. 

Dr. Calvin Wittman is pastor of Applewood Baptist Church in Wheat Ridge, Colorado. He is a former missionary to Spain, and holds degrees from Baylor University, Southwestern Seminary (MDiv), and Southern Seminary (DMin). He is also a veteran of the United States Navy and has worked as a news anchor on both television and radio stations in Texas.