Answering Your Tweenagers “Why’s”

Written by Bob Bunn

Early adolescence is important from the standpoint of information processing. Kids are learning new ways to learn and that raises questions in their minds. Here are a few suggestions for dealing with the barrage of questions that come from the fertile minds of tweens. 

Accept that Questions Will Come
You won’t always know what form the questions will take, but you need to realize that it’s a matter of “when” not “if.” Early adolescence is important from the standpoint of information processing. Information processing brings questions. Often, those questions will travel unfiltered from their brains to their mouths.

Don’t Be Afraid of Questions
One of humanity’s greatest fears is public speaking because no one wants to look stupid. Unfortunately, many parents fear their tweens’ questions for the same reason. The trick is to remember the motivation behind the questions. Your mind may say your child is trying to make you look foolish, but she just wants to know how something works. In her mind, the most logical place to turn for answers is you.

Of course, some questions will be tough, but that’s OK. Think about your relationship with your heavenly Father. He never shies away from tough questions. You can follow His example by refusing to run away or freak out when questions come up.

Admit When You Don’t Have an Answer
Once upon a time, your kids thought you hung the moon and stars. There was no question on earth that Mom or Dad couldn’t answer. Well, those days are quickly growing smaller in the rearview mirror, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. If you try to pretend you know it all, you’re begging for an extra load of pressure you don’t need to carry.

What’s more, your tween will know when you’re making things up, and any hint of a lack of integrity will dampen your future credibility. It’s better to be honest and discuss some ways you and your tween can find the answer together.

Ask a Few Questions of Your Own
Sometimes, the most important question is the question behind the question. Your child may be asking one thing; but with a little digging, you might find the request is a symptom of another concern. That’s when you can follow up your response with a question of your own.

Also, humans learn better when they believe they have figured out the answer on their own. Given that, asking follow-up questions allows your tweens to think through possible answers or consequences (a great skill for the future). They can follow the logical path and identify the answer on their own. That can be a powerful learning experience.

Understand the Privilege
In a very real sense, your tween could go a lot of places for answers. They have peers who would be glad to let them in on a vast wealth of “experience.” The Internet includes all kinds of information. They could choose a teacher or other significant adult.

But they didn’t choose another route. They came to you. That’s an awesome privilege you could lose by avoiding the opportunity you’ve been granted!

So, here’s a final question: What are you going to do next time your tween comes to you with a question? Why not do what you do on any roller coaster experience? Take a deep breath, say a quick prayer, buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Bob Bunn serves as the editor-in-chief of Living with Teenagers. He also has experience with a tween of his own, which often leaves him with more questions than answers.

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