Come Away with Me

Written by Joy Dunlap

This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

Each year on their anniversary, Jen and Mark Parrott leave their two young children with Mark’s parents to go on an overnight getaway.

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“It’s like a restart button every year,” Jen says of their eight-year marriage tradition. “It gives Mark and me time to reconnect and to refocus our goals for our marriage, for each other, and for what we want out of life as a couple.” 

The constant busyness of life blocks couples from intimacy, explains Randy Carlson, author of Starved for Affection. “So often in our culture, husbands go in one direction with their priorities, and wives go in another, and there’s only enough time to meet over dinner once in a while,” he says. 

Intimacy suffers in the face of bills, baby needs, and bad days at work. Getaways can help change that. They can, Carlson says, get couples out of the reality of the moment. “It gives us a chance to think a little bigger and to connect with things that are really important — our communication, intimacy, spiritual life, where we want to go.”

Lest you start to forget that your husband’s name isn’t really “Daddy,” you’ll want to leave the kids behind. (They’ll thank you later.) “One of the greatest gifts parents give their children is to make sure they’re spending time with each other,” Carlson says.
Now that you’ve narrowed the itinerary to travel for two, decide which kind of scenario meets your needs. To get you started, we offer the following options. Pick one and plan your getaway.

For the Couple Who Needs to Relax
The Place: If you’re looking to relax and refuel, head to the beach (especially during the off-season months of August through April). You don’t have to love soaking up the sun’s rays to benefit from a beach trip. Studies show that even listening to the sound of water is restful. The calming sensation of the waves, the wind, and the water will help the two of you loosen up and let go of the things that don’t matter. 

The Approach: 
* Plan to get away right after a stressful obligation (a packed holiday or a complex work project). Enjoy sleeping late, reading, walking barefoot on the sand, and talking about your lives together. 
* Agree not to talk on the cell phone unless it’s an emergency or to check on the kids (once a day, not once an hour). Leave Palm Pilots and Blackberries at home.
* If possible, book a cottage or condo on a beach that’s not crowded.

Closeness Connectors: 
* Make sure you’re side by side, facing west at dusk to see the sunset.
* Hold hands while strolling along the shore, or splash in the waves. Etch heart-shaped notes in the sand. Pick up shells together.
* Take moonlit strolls on the beach, and talk about your lives both individually and as a couple.

For the Couple Seeking Adventure
The Place: Tired of the same old, same old? Stir things up a bit. Pack your bags, and head to one of the 388 national parks. Choose an activity like mountain climbing or kayaking — something that stretches you, says Claudia Arp, co-author with her husband, David, of 52 Dates for You and Your Mate.

The Approach: 
* Throughout the nation’s park system, you can find adventures like biking, boating, horseback riding, climbing, canoeing, and kayaking. States also have designated park sites, which feature many of the same adventure options. Access the National Parks Services’ Web site at www.nps.gov to find out what’s available.
* Check out cabin or camping options.
* While you’re taking a walk on the “wild” side, see the hot springs, explore the caves, and hike the trails.

Closeness Connectors:
* Camping out? Get a double sleeping bag. 
* Hiking? Don’t hurry to the top. Take your time and photograph each other in the scenery.
* Create goals that push you to the next level of your activity, and help each other get there. Then plan rewards that both of you will enjoy later that night.
* Take along a foot reflexology chart, and give each other foot massages when you return from the day’s outings.

For the Couple Looking to Explore
The Place: Feel like the only new things you see are each month’s bills? Want to experience some place that comprises more square feet than home? Head to the nearest metropolitan city and feel your way around.

The Approach: 
* Be spontaneous. Get a taste of local culture. Try things you can’t do at home.
* Visit museums that feature art, history, or quirky oddities that you can’t see other places.
* Get tickets to the theater. Dress up, and make it a special occasion.

Closeness Connectors:
* Take a horse and carriage tour. Hold hands and snuggle as the guide tells you all about the area.
* Visit a historic church or cathedral. Sit in the pews, hold hands, and pray silently together. 
* Purchase a piece of artwork or a local artisan’s creation that you both like as a momento of your trip and your time together.

For the Couple in the Mood for Romance
The Place: Journey to a secluded destination where the two of you can shut out the world and create your own hideaway haven. 

The Approach:
* Rent or borrow a cabin or condo.
* Leave computers and beepers at home.
* In their latest book, No Time for Sex, David and Claudia Arp suggest making a “getaway box” filled with romantic music, bubble bath, a favorite romantic movie, wedding photos, and candles.
* Hole up in your room, shut out the world, and focus on just the two of you.

Closeness Connectors: 
* Go on a real date. Get dressed up, and go out for a romantic dinner.
* Take turns completing this phrase: “I love you because … ” Aim for 10 rounds.
* Want to initiate discussion about your love life? Try these conversation starters from No Time for Sex: What are the positive factors about our love life? What are the resources we can draw on to nurture our love life (things like exercising, praying for our relationship, and making more time for each other)?

For the Couple Who Wants to Dream Together
The Place: When you’re thinking about long-term plans and hopes, getting away to talk, pray, and think about your life together is vital. Avoid destinations packed with activities; instead, surround yourselves with the quiet beauty of nature and a simple setup. Christian conference centers offer low-cost options. Walking trails, prayer gardens, chapels, and lakes featured at many centers provide an inviting setting for contemplation. Or head to a quiet, small town where you don’t know anyone. 

The Approach: 
* If you’re dealing with major life-stuff, this getaway can help you work toward solutions or goals. Extricate yourselves from reality to approach issues in a place where you can focus and turn your dreams into plans.
* Carlson suggests posing questions like these: Where do we want to be in 10 years? What kind of financial plan do we want to have? What do we want our family to look like? 
* When facing life changes like having a baby, moving, or changing jobs, talk about how you each envision your lives and roles in the future.

Closeness Connectors:
* Make a list of all the places you’d like to visit in the next 10 years. Share your responses. 
* List activities you’d like to do in the next year, the next five years, and the next 10 years. Talk about your reasons and how you can make those dreams come true.

How to Find Cheap Travel Online
* For great deals on airfare, shop around with aggregator Web sites, which work as mega search engines that search prices from hundreds of sites at once. Sidestep.com is the most established, but new ones are popping up. Try Kayak.com, Cheapflights.com, Farechase.com, Mobissimo.com, and Qixo.com.
* If you’re looking for airfare, hotels, and rental cars, try Expedia.com, Orbitz .com, and Travelocity.com. However, you may get a better deal by checking Internet sites and then calling a hotel directly since hotels are notorious for giving their worst rooms to those who book through third parties.
* If you’re working with a flexible schedule, you can get bottom-dollar prices on airfare, hotels, and rental cars at Hotwire.com and Priceline.com. Go to Biddingfortravel.com for tips on getting the most from Priceline.

Joy Dunlap is freelance writer living in Hampton, Va. She and her husband, who’s in the JAG Corp, make a point to get away to the beach at least once a year to relax together.