What To Do with Spoiled Grandkids

Written by Dr. Polly Cooper Brown

This article is courtesy of Mature Living.

Dear Dr. Brown: My grandchildren are being spoiled with too many expensive gifts for which they seldom, if ever, express appreciation or even say thank you. I have spoken with my son about this, but he usually just laughs and tells me that things have changed. When I press with my concern about the values the children are learning, he becomes irritated and says that it is not my problem. How can I make him see what he and his wife are doing to their children?

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Answer: Things have changed, but, in my opinion, not necessarily for the better. Children today, even children from families of modest means, expect expensive, name-brand, highly desired gifts. They have already learned the lessons our society is teaching them.

Obviously, you have clearly expressed your concerns to your son. I would think he understands that you are concerned that he and his wife are reinforcing the values of a materialistic society. You probably cannot do any more than you have already done. I would suggest that you not bring it up again — it might do more harm than good. 
 
I am wondering if you might be dealing with some uncomfortable feelings from another source. Could it be that because you choose not to give unreasonably expensive gifts to your grandchildren, you feel you are losing out on their affection? It could be true that your grandchildren respond best to the person who gives the most elaborate gifts, but I wonder if you want to be in that contest.
 
My suggestion is that you continue to do what you believe is right, regardless of the behavior of others. That would mean giving age-appropriate, reasonable gifts and accepting whatever response you get. Don't let your feelings become a barrier that separates you from your grandchildren or their parents.

Dr. Polly Cooper Brown is a retired psychologist now residing in Hot Springs Village, Ark.