Twentysomething

Written by Lori Smith

This article is courtesy of Christian Single.

Editor's Note: This is a three-part article about singles and aging. Parts two and three will appear in the following weeks.

The early 20s are less about dealing with being single (because just about everyone's single at that age) and more about dealing with life. Margaret Feinberg, author of Twentysomething: Surviving and Thriving in the Real World, describes this decade like being an "add-water adult." She explains, "You're just expected to suddenly be all grown up, but no one ever gives you a manual on how to handle all the adult responsibilities you've been handed.  

"Whether it's renting or buying an apartment or house, dealing with roommates, settling into a job or company, or figuring out which life, car, or health insurance plan is right for you, the 20-something years are plagued with figuring stuff out. And then there are the really big issues like 'Who am I?', 'What am I going to do with my life?', and 'Is anyone ever going to love me?'"

Karen Hicks, who married in her late 30s and has been mentoring single women of all ages for 10 years, says, "By the time you reach your late 20s, the specter of singleness may appear. When I was in my mid-to-late 20s, my early-marrying college friends were starting on their second round of babies. I hit my first 'What in the world is God doing with my life?' crisis." Obviously, this decade is one of growth. But on the other hand, there's a lot to enjoy in your 20s.

One advantage many agree upon is the flexibility of being young and single. If you want to jump in the car with a group of friends and hit the road for a few days, it's totally acceptable, and it seems like the right time to do a lot of the things you always wanted to do. You also feel like you have your whole life ahead of you, and setbacks don't seem as major as they could when you get older.

To make the most of this decade, Feinberg advises twentysomethings to relax. "Take it easy," she says. "You don't have to have it all figured out this week, this month, or even this year. You've got a lot of change ahead of you. Take it in stride, and use it as an opportunity to grow your faith along the way. Besides, God's going to throw you some wonderful curveballs you never expected. So if your life isn't turning out like your three-year, five-year, or even 10-year plan, it's OK. In fact, it's more than OK; it's normal. If there's one thing the 20s are about, it's that life — and all God's doing in your life — is a journey."

Ron Hill, a 50-something single and church pastor, has this advice for twentysomethings: "Listen, learn, become a good follower, and then a good leader. Enjoy where you are in life. Also, connect with a mentor who is spiritually where you would like to be."

Hicks advises this age group to take money and career more seriously than she did at this age: "Save. Put money in a 401K. And work on knowing what you want to do with your career. Don't just work to get a paycheck and dream about being married and being taken care of. That might happen … but it might not. Be prepared."

And, since the majority of 20-something singles don't have a spouse or children, time can actually be a commodity during this stage, if we allow it to be. Craig Dunham and Doug Serven say in their book TwentySomeone: Finding Yourself in a Decade of Transition, "One of the biggest struggles in our twenties is how we use our time, often because we fail to understand that time is a gift. We need to learn to handle our time with stewardship, viewing it as no less valuable or fleeting than our money."

Must-Do list for your 20s:
 — Revisit your favorite roller coasters.
 — Camp at the beach with friends.
 — Learn how to change the oil in your car.
 — Map out a budget.
 — Play well with roommates.
 — Learn to cook something other than pasta.
 — Plan a solo spiritual retreat.

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