5 Ways Friendships Can Improve Your Marriage

Written by Shelley Kimmons Bacote

This article is courtesy of HomeLife.

You know the saying, No man is an island? Well, the same is true in marriage. A successful marriage doesn’t happen just between a husband and wife. Rather, it occurs in a community.

Enjoy this article? Subscribe to HomeLife

 Relationship experts agree that although husbands and wives should consider their spouse to be their best friend, having healthy, same-sex friendships can enrich a marriage relationship. Why? Those friendships are good for the individuals in the marriage. And healthy individuals make up a healthy marriage.

So if it’s been a while since you’ve invested in your friendships, it’s time to change that. Not only will you be building quality friendships, you’ll also be building a better marriage. Here’s why:

1. Friendships provide a support system. Bob Lepine, co-host of the popular daily radio program “FamilyLife Today With Dennis Rainey,” says, “I think it’s critically important that a husband and wife have healthy, same-sex friendships so they aren’t relying on one another to meet all of their emotional needs.”

Lepine says he realized the importance of this after his family moved to a new town. When reflecting on how his wife, Mary Ann, felt after returning home from a visit with friends, he says, “I got a refreshed wife back because she had spent this time with other friends.”

2. Friendships help keep you grounded. Lorilee Craker, author of See How They Run: An Energizing Guide to Keeping Up With Your Turbo-Toddler, witnesses this in her friendship with a fellow writer. “I can relieve a lot of stress and anxiety and just feel a lot better about my life and my work by talking things over with her,” Craker says. “That way, I don’t just drop everything on [my husband] when he comes through the door.”

Women and men think and communicate differently. Sometimes women need to be around other women who understand what it’s like to be wives and mothers, friends who can offer spiritual guidance and healthy perspectives. And men need to be around other men who will offer both accountability and companionship.

3. Friendships indicate balance in our lives. “Not having quality friendships could be a symptom of an overload in other areas,” explains Claudia Arp, co-founder with husband, Dave, of Marriage Alive International, Inc., a non-profit, marriage and family enrichment resource. “One of the first things to go when you’re in overload are your gender-specific friendships. If you look around, and you don’t have any friends, it’s an indication that you probably need to slow down your life a bit.”

4. Friendships give you encouragement. LaShon Whitfield has a special appreciation for the friendships she developed while adjusting to being a newlywed approximately nine years ago.

“My girlfriends probably don’t realize how much they encouraged me and confirmed that I wasn’t going crazy,” Whitfield says. “When we talked, our main focus was to share, not give advice. It was to let one another know we weren’t alone in the ‘cleaving’ process.” Through her friendships, she found out firsthand what it means to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

And when individuals in a marriage are encouraged and energized, they can give to their spouses out of that overflow. The more encouragement a husband and wife share, the more energized and fulfilling their marriage will be.

5. Friendships improve your health. A considerable number of medical studies have been shedding light on the health benefits of friendships.

Research has shown that a lack of good social relationships was a major risk factor in both men and women for poor health, in the same way as blood pressure, smoking, and obesity. They’ve also shown that keeping involved in social activities seems to reduce stress, strengthen immune systems, and result in longer life expectancy. And longer lives obviously lead to longer marriages.

The next time you’re tempted to skimp on friendships, rationalizing that your spouse and family need you, remember that they also need you to be supported, grounded, balanced, encouraged, and healthy, too. So make your marriage better with a little help from your friends. Your spouse just might thank you for it.

Shelley Kimmons Bacote is a freelance writer living in Glen Ellyn, Ill.