Partnering with God

Written by Kenneth Sanderfer

This article is courtesy of Christian Single.

Question:
As a single mom of three kids, I'm finding it difficult to stay spiritually fit since my time and attention are constantly drawn to my kids. My middle-school son is having trouble with his grades and helping him with his work now takes even more time. I feel like this should be a time in my life to devote myself to spiritual things, but I keep getting pulled away with family demands. What should I do?

Answer:

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The needs of any family are constantly changing, so maintaining balance is one of the greatest challenges single parents face. Remember that "family health" and "individual health" go hand in hand, so you must strive to meet the never-ending demands of your changing family without losing yourself and without neglecting your spiritual growth.
 
However, your expectations in this area may be unrealistic. You do need to carve out some time to spend with God each day, but the expectation that this is a season you should "devote yourself to spiritual matters" suggests you're putting spiritual growth and parenting into separate boxes when, in fact, they are very much connected.

Parenting is actually discipling your children — teaching them about God and His ways, and helping them make wise choices. In helping you fulfill this role, it's important to understand the different aspects of parenting.

• Calling — I don't believe there is any calling that exceeds that of being a parent. What can be more God-honoring than investing in the lives of the children (gifts) God has given you? Being a single parent adds unique responsibilities and goals to this calling. From time to time it's wise to review your goals and purposes when new challenges surface.
• Parental Purpose — In today's culture, it's easy to get distracted and lose sight of the bigger picture. Parenting boils down to nurturing your children and bringing them up in a way that they can live independently as adults — to be "liberated." The child, when adequately prepared for life, will choose to leave home, and the parent will choose to let them go. One of the important indicators of emotional health and well-being is how this is negotiated. Love is a by-product of liberation, and being liberated is being loved. This is a reflection of God's character, and in this environment of freedom and safety, growth takes place for children as well as adults.
• Maturation — If the ultimate goal is liberation, then the present goals are growth and maturing. Partnering with God to invest in the growth and development of those He has entrusted to you is an opportunity for spiritual growth. There will be times when your family must adjust to accommodate the special growth needs of one of its members. Currently, your middle-school child is in need of more of your attention. The rest of the family may protest what they see as an imparity of time, but this is an opportunity for all of you to grow as individuals and in your understanding with God.
• Proper Perspective — This is perhaps the most important point for you to remember. Indeed parenthood is a calling, but we must remember it's a partnership with God, not a proprietorship. In other words, "relax." You're not the one in charge. Single parenthood is a God-size task, and God can handle it. You are much like a tenant farmer, entrusted to care for your children who actually belong to God

As you navigate the waters of parenting daily, remember to pause and ask God for wisdom and direction in the decisions you make. This will keep you connected to Him when your schedule demands a hectic pace.

Kenneth Sanderfer is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in Nashville, Tenn.