Teens and Wheels
This article is courtesy of Living with Teenagers.
Question: Our son wants to get his driver’s license in the summer and expects us to get him a car. He has not, however, planned to get a job. Last summer he sat around the house too much and nearly drove us crazy. He does not pick up after himself without being told over and over. When we question his wanting us to buy him a car, he comes back with the response, “All my friends’ parents buy them cars!” I know we can afford to make the payments, but I am scared at the thought of him driving out on the highways with this carefree attitude. He has friends who have wrecked their cars that their parents paid for. When I remind him of that, he says I don’t trust him and try to make him sound like a baby. How can we handle this when so many of the other parents do buy their kids a car?
Answer: One of the best gimmicks in the world teens use on their parents is, “All my friends, and all their parents are doing such and such!”
I doubt that all parents are buying cars for their teens. If they are, they may be making bad decisions. Statistics show us that teens who pay for at least part of their cars and/or expenses (insurance, gasoline, upkeep) tend to value the privilege more. They also tend to care for their cars more wisely.
You might tell your son that you will discuss with him possible jobs that he can get to earn the money for a car. Each time he mentions getting his driver’s license, remind him that he can’t use that skill without a car, and he can’t have a car without a job. He might grumble at first; but if you persist, he will respect both you and himself more for not getting something just “given” to him.
Some parents let the teen earn money for the down payment for the car. Then they ask that the teen pay for part of the insurance and/or expenses to run the car. If he sincerely wants a car, he will cooperate if you hang in there and don’t cave in to a common attitude among teens today of “entitlement.”
Secondly, explain to him that driving and maintaining a vehicle requires someone who is responsible and trustworthy. Those are valuable traits that he can develop by accepting and completing his household chores as well. Once he has proven himself responsible and trustworthy, you will be more likely to trust him with the responsibility of driving.
Sandi Black is a licensed professional counselor in Fort Worth, Texas. Sandi and her husband, Wes, write articles, books, and lead marriage conferences.
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