Public Praise

Written by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

This article is courtesy of  ParentLife.

English author Samuel Butler once said, “The advantage of doing one’s praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places.”

 I know what he means about self-promotion. Maybe it is because I had two older brothers, but I grew up with a compulsion to blurt out: “Did I tell you about my promotion?” or “Did you know I met with the governor?”

Leslie, on the other hand, is quite the opposite. She rarely brings attention to herself.

As you might imagine, our polar differences in this area have often caused inner reflection and a bit of soul searching. After many years of marriage, each of us is beginning to find a better balance. Leslie is getting more comfortable discussing her accomplishments, and I am not so vocal about my own.

We both are learning to practice the secret of affirmation: let another praise you and not your own mouth. Wise husbands and wives will quickly see this applicability to marriage.

Public Jabs
I find it easy to distinguish loving couples from “warring” ones. Most everyone has been at a party where a couple takes public jabs at each other: “I wish that John would get out of his recliner, turn off the television, and help me out in the garden like he keeps saying he will!”

Sometimes it is easier to say something to others than to address the issue with your spouse. Couples who cannot refrain from criticizing each other in public are in serious trouble.

Loving couples use every opportunity to cast each other in the best light. They say things such as, “Sarah just got a promotion” or “Rick may not mention it, but he secured a grant for his company this week.”

Loving couples praise one another in private and public. They tell each other’s stories and work as a team.

Raise Some Praise
When you have an opportunity to bring praise to yourself in a social setting, take a rain check. Remember Proverbs 27:2, “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth — a stranger, and not your own lips.”

When an opportunity arises for you to compliment your spouse in front of others, do not let the opportunity slip by.

Ways to Praise
Use the following tips to appreciate your spouse in the presence of others:
• Praise your spouse for something special she did for you that you were not expecting.
• Praise your spouse for no reason — just for being her.
• Praise your spouse for the everyday jobs: cleaning the house, doing the laundry, washing the car, mowing the lawn, and so forth.
• Praise your spouse for the wonderful parent he is to your children. Allow your children to see you compliment your spouse.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are co-directors of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. They are authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and When Bad Things Happen to Good Marriages. Learn more about their seminar schedule and resources at www.RealRelationships.com.

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