Kind Words and Your Health

Written by Richard E. Dodge

Affirm your spouse. It could save your life.

That may sound strange, but research in recent years has indicated that complimenting one another regularly reduces stress and conflict between husbands and wives. Reducing stress then reduces strain on the heart, which helps reduce the potential for heart problems and disease. So a kind word and an affirming comment not only improve our marriage relationships, but helps us live longer and better.

Unfortunately our life-as-usual habits can create more stress than relief. So this is a great time to start something new between you and your spouse. Regardless of gender, your spouse will appreciate kind words. Kind words lead to less stress, which leads to better relationships and healthier hearts. Here are some tips that can be used anytime. 

Reflect on your expectations. If you assume that you are your spouse’s only concern, guess again. Stay-at-home moms may be the most overworked and under-appreciated people today. Take a few moments when you arrive home to talk about each other’s day.

Validate your spouse. Find something at the end of the day that you can affirm about your spouse. Even small actions can be affirmed, and small affirmations lead to big investments in the “emotional bank account” (EBA) each of us maintains. When we feel neglected, the value of the EBA declines. Often the atmosphere in our homes is based on the level of the EBA we have for each other.

Listen before you speak. Although this is always a sound approach, take a moment to listen to the emotional atmosphere. If you have children, determine whether the atmosphere sounds happy or hostile. Listen to your spouse, and listen to the children as well. Giving a listening ear before imposing penalties or praise can be very productive.

Postpone summits. If you and your spouse both arrive home worn out, frustrated, tense, and ready to take the day out on each other, go to separate rooms and cool off before dealing with matters at home. You might have to say, “Honey, we’ve both had terrible days today. Let’s take 15 minutes in separate rooms to unwind before dealing with any issues.” Of course, the amount of time always will be directly proportionate to the conflict of the day.

Learn to relax together. Often this is a real challenge because most of us take our spouses for granted. We assume too much and ask and listen to too little. Develop a strategy that allows both of you to get relaxed before you face life at home. Life there will be so much better if you can separate other parts of life from home.

Think about your most difficult moments. Have most of them grown out of comments made too quickly, or unfair expectations when you walked in the door after a hard day, or making assumptions about what your spouse “should” do or have done? I recall the words of an old song - although not the title: Try a little tenderness. It won’t ruin your image at all!

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