Is Marriage Supposed To Be Fun?

Written by Richard E. Dodge

What a shock we received a few years after Joy and I were married when we discovered that marriage was more than just fun. Marriage was something that required work.

Now we’re not against the work part, but we thought marriage would be more - well, more just plain fun.

Over the years we also discovered something else about marriage: Fun is an attitude that can be developed and improved. You see, fun is more than mere laughter and play. Fun is something we experience together as we grow in all aspects of our relationship: physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and social aspects.  

We’ve discovered that we can make things more fun by focusing on our attitudes. We can do this in several ways.

Focus on your faith first. God will bless relationships that are formed with Him at the center. That may sound trite, but it’s true. When we seek God first, He will fill in the gaps and provide opportunities to grow.

Find things to do that you both enjoy. This is a trial-and-error process, one that occasionally requires one spouse to do something he or she might not do otherwise.

Make each other laugh. It’s okay to be silly, to try things that just don’t work well, and so forth. Be sure to laugh with, not at, your spouse, too. Laughter is not constructive when at the expense of the self-esteem of another.

Respect each other. Sometimes we take our spouses for granted. We fail to respect the other person when we think of ourselves ahead of the other person and when we unfairly criticize our mate. Respect includes affirming your spouse.

Set aside time for fun. Even during our seminary days, when we hardly met expenses, Joy and I set aside time for a walk in a park or along the Mississippi River. We often scheduled this at the end of the week, arranged for a sitter, and seldom let other distractions draw us away from our scheduled time together.

Enjoy some activities individually, apart from each other, too. I like to fish (and that’s an understatement!) Joy goes occasionally, but most of the time I fish alone or with other friends. That allows her to do things with her friends or alone at home.

Try something new. For most men, doing the housework is a radical departure from the routine. Guys, do some of the housework for your wife. Each of us has routine chores and activities that could be done by our spouse.

Do the unexpected. I like to send flowers or plants to my wife where she teaches when they are not expected. Yes, birthdays and other holidays are times for flowers, but when you send them for no apparent reason and your spouse’s co-workers discover your good deed, your spouse gets extra affirmation from peers.

Are these actions simple? For most of us, no, they are not. We live by schedules - ours, those of our children or parents, or those dictated by work commitments. Maybe that’s the problem: We’ve let other commitments crowd out the fun in our marriages.

God didn’t create us to appear unhappy, walking around with a frown to indicate our faith commitment. Jesus said He came to give us the abundant life. Build a stronger marriage relationship by guaranteeing that you and your spouse have fun together.

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