Parent Meeting - Who Makes the Rules?

Introduction: Too many television programs put teenagers in charge of their lives and place the parents in the passenger seats. Use this meeting plan to help parents of teenagers reverse the cultural pull and provide their teenagers with a new sense of freedom while maintaining biblical boundaries.

Invitations: Make an invitation that suggests a pull for control between parents and teenagers. You could use a card that folds from right and left with Who Makes the Rules? written on the outside and You? written on one side as you open the card and Your Teenager? written on the other side when you open up the card. Then provide information regarding the time and place for your meeting.

This would also be a great session to promote by enlisting two teens to do a skit in worship or in classes that parents of teenagers attend for Bible study. Teens could discuss how they don't want their parents to attend the class because they like being in charge at home. You can clarify at the end that there are rules and issues teenagers need to take the lead on, but there are others that parents need to continue to control. Invite parents to come and be part of the discussion.

Prior to the Meeting: Set up two areas. In the first area, prepare to have parents determine types of rules their teenagers need to make. In the second area, have parents determine types of rules the parents need to control. In each area, place a large piece of paper and markers.

Order copies of the July 2004 issue of Living with Teenagers Magazine and be ready to refer parents to "Who Makes the Rules?" by Karen Dockrey on pages 10-13.

Gather copies of popular teen magazines.

Opening: Get parents to open up and share some of the rules they had as teenagers. Then talk briefly about how our culture has changed the lives of today's teenagers. Invite parents to take a few minutes to look at some of the articles. After several minutes, ask if they can give some solid reasons from looking at the magazines that parents still need to be in charge of some of their household rules. (Possible responses: teens are pressured to grow up too quickly, godly advice is not the norm in teen culture, teens are doing and trying things that their parents were never faced with as teens, teens are clever and sometimes deceitful, unsupervised teens will find something to do and it might not be what parents would desire.)

Say: There are rules that you desire for your teenagers to make, but there are some rules you definitely don't want them to make. You can't abdicate your responsibility as parents just because your teenagers complain about your rules.

Form three small groups. Give each group one of the following times in which their teenagers should not be allowed to make the rules. Guide them to use page 10 in the July issue of Living with Teenagers magazine to gain further information about their assigned reason.

1. When they don't know enough about the dangers and joys of the action.
2. When they wonder why.
3. When their lives are at stake.

After each group has discussed times teens should not make the rules, ask them to share a little of their discussions with the entire group. Then give each group one of the three situations on pages 12-13 to read and review regarding how to know who makes the rule. After each group reads their situations, ask them to share the situations and implementation hints with the other parents.

Brainstorm Solutions: Take some time at the end of the session to brainstorm ways to keep your cool when your teenager shares the following statements:

• "I know what I am doing."
• "You don't understand."
• "You are not being fair."

Conclusion: Affirm parents for being in charge of rule setting and gently allowing their teen to have input in rules they can be allowed to set.

As always in addressing parents of teenagers, feel free to invite a Christian counselor or a high school counselor with a Christian worldview to assist in leading your meeting. Parents appreciate your care in bringing in professionals who can also provide additional support after the meeting.