Encourage a Healthy Self-Esteem

Written by Chuck Gartman

This article courtesy of Living with Teenagers.

Of all the things that elude young people, healthy self-regard tops the list. As we think of how we as parents can help them develop a healthy regard for themselves, some biblical principles may be helpful.
1. God loves us and wants the very best for us (John 3:16).
2. Jesus tells us to love ourselves (Matt. 22:34-40).
3. Jesus wants us to have a full life (John 10:10).
4. God believes we are worth His provisions (Phil. 4:19).
5. God doesn’t want us to be conceited (Gal. 6:3-4).

With this ammunition in our possession, let’s explore some ways to aid our teens in developing and maintaining a healthy view of themselves.

1. Identify the source of feelings of low self-worth. Three quick, but not exhaustive, sources include the following:
• Others indicate that a low self-value exists in how they treat and speak to us;
• Inner feelings of worthlessness may come from how one sees himself; and
• Sometimes Satan is the cause of a person feeling poorly about herself.

Help your teen identify the things he likes about himself. Explore his talents, his abilities, his preferences, his positive qualities, and so forth. This takes the edge off the negative. It is much easier to think of our weaknesses and of things we don’t like about ourselves, so this may be a challenge to get your teen to think differently about himself.

2. Deal with your attitude about yourself as a person. Recognize that each of us is different and gifted, and we don’t need to make our teens into someone else or to be just like us. Fight the urge to compare yourself as well as your teen with others. Also have a good attitude about making mistakes. Admitting when we are wrong may pave the way for our youth to feel better about who they are and to admit when they fail, make mistakes, or just don’t agree with us. We should not be afraid to admit to our teens that there are times when “we just don’t know.” Our openness and honesty gives credence to our humanity.

3. Act on some things that we know are right and true. One thing we can do to build a healthy self-esteem in our teens is to speak words of affirmation. Compliment them and encourage them. Spending time with them speaks volumes about their worth.

A very important task that parents have difficulty doing is listening. Teens sense they are valuable to us and to others when we take the time to listen to them. Consciously hold your tongue when what you want to say in return does not build your teen up.

Finally, a few quick points that may be helpful as well:
• Allow your teens to make some decisions themselves; also seek their input and advice on family decisions.
• Don’t pay too much attention to the little things.
• Resist focusing on the minor stuff.
• Pray for a healthy self-esteem for yourself and for your teen.

Chuck Gartman has served as a youth minister for more than 20 years, has parented three daughters through the teen years, and is presently Assistant Professor of Christian Studies at Howard Payne University in Brownwood, Texas.

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