Are You a “Gen X” Mom?

Written by Rebecca Ingram Powell

This article courtesy of ParentLife.

In the 1980s, they were typical teenage girls. They pranced around the mall in big hair and bangle bracelets, laughing through smiles slathered in thick, gooey lip gloss. They were the first generation to play video games and watch MTV. The ground-breaking sounds of Madonna and Michael Jackson pounded through their boom boxes and threatened to collapse their bedroom walls. They practiced “moon-walking” until they had cramps in their legs.

Gen X Beginnings
Coming of age in a decade known for its selfishness caused these teens to be under the scrutiny of the media as young adults. While originally labeled as “baby busters,” the generation following the Baby Boomers were soon known as “Generation X.”(1)

“They seemed to be apathetic at the beginning,” explains Tim Bisagno, Director of MXTV, the non-profit, music-minded ministry, Mission X. “They appeared not to care,
although they really did want to see change. They just didn’t know where to start.”

The term Generation X suggested that these were young adults with no goals or visions for the future. “The X was literally a symbol of nothingness,” says Bisagno. “They were considered the nothing generation, the lost generation.”

But Generation X has grown up. Today they comprise the majority of women with children ages 6 and younger.(2) To motherhood they bring their repulsion to the excesses of the 80s and a commitment to relationships rather than riches.

This is the first generation that grew up with large scale divorce and single-parent households. Predictably, 79 percent of Gen Xers want to have one marriage partner for life.(3) They are hard-working, ambitious, and informed, but family comes before work or career.

Home Sweet Home
Eighty-one percent of Gen Xers report wanting to spend more time with their families.(4) Sondra, 30, a mother of three, wanted to be at home with her children. “My mother was a teacher,” she explains. “Even though she worked, she kept the same hours that my brother and I did. She made it to all of our ball games and practices. I wanted to be like that.”

Sondra chose a career in nursing. After her first child was born, she took advantage of the flexible hospital schedules and planned to work the weekend night shifts. What she did not realize was that she would miss precious family time. “Every weekend, I was sleeping when my husband and son were awake. It was not working.”

To be at home full time with her son, Sondra gave up her shift at the hospital. That decision has not come without sacrifices. She and her husband have postponed building their dream house. They cancelled their cable subscription and started clipping coupons.

“My salary as an RN would have afforded us lots of things that we don’t have right now, but it’s much more important to me and my family to be at home.”

According to Bisagno, most Gen X moms have found that relationships are more important than stuff. “They understand that there is no relationship without connection,” he says. “And there’s no connection without respect, no respect without authenticity.” You will not see many “supermoms” among the Gen X crowd. “I learned when my kids came along I couldn’t do it all,” says Sondra. “Now I’m just trying to do my best.”

Doing Their Homework
Many of today’s moms are taking advantage of the numerous ways to work from home. Some seek alternative ways to work for their current employers, but more and more women are starting home businesses.

Jenny is a culinary chef whose pregnancy caused her to consider starting a home business. By the time her daughter Elizabeth was born, she was operating a cake baking and decorating service from her home.

“At one point I thought about running my own coffee shop,” she admits. “But with cake baking, I can contribute to my family’s income and still be at home with my child.”

“I always wanted to be a wife and mother,” Jenny says. “I can work on cakes while Elizabeth naps or when my husband is home. The good thing about baking is that I can stop at any point in production. When Elizabeth needs me, the cake will wait.”

Telecommuting or teleworking has been gaining popularity for the past three decades. In recent years, technology that was previously limited to the office has come home, making it a more realistic option. The Internet offers a variety of ways to help the mother trying to work at home, from promoting products and services through custom built Web sites to networking through chat rooms and bulletin boards.

Home Alone?
Generation X mothers are comfortable with technology. Besides using their home computers to access the Internet for business and information, many moms are finding new friends and emotional encouragement from online support groups.
 
Laurie Webster is the Online Ministry Director for Proverbs 31 Ministries. She believes that online friendships are formed easily because physical barriers have been removed.
“Gen X moms live in a world that judges on outside appearances instead of what is on the mind and in the heart. Disabilities are not seen and race is not an issue in our communities. Our e-mail format through technology is a great equalizer.”

Twenty-nine-year-old Ginger, a mother of two, went directly to the Internet when her toddler was diagnosed with a learning disorder. She wanted more information on her daughter’s condition, and she needed the comfort of other moms who had children with special needs.
 
“Most of the Web sites I visited had posting boards and chat rooms. They were ready-made with other people to talk to. That’s when I realized what a common problem my child had, and I didn’t feel so alone any more.”

Where the Heart Is
“Volunteerism has increased with Generation X,” states Bisagno. “It’s a reaction to the yuppie thing that happened with their parents. Life is not necessarily all about me.”

“I’ll never forget a mission trip I went on when I was in high school,” says Sondra. “I spent the summer working in the projects of a large city. I realized how fortunate I was.”

Eventually, as her children get older, Sondra wants volunteering to play a major part in their lives as a family. For now, she makes sure that her children get some toys and clothes together for Goodwill a couple of times each year. Last Christmas, they participated in Angel Tree, a ministry of Prison Fellowship.

“My kids may not understand the things we’re doing right now,” concedes Sondra. “Just me talking about things like poverty and homelessness won’t make as big an impact on them as it will when they see other people’s living conditions with their own eyes. But I’m teaching them to give, and one day, they will be doing this on their own.”

Generation X has been full of surprises. In fact, Tim Bisagno says they are a generation of contradictions. “They live at home longer, but they had to grow up too soon. They are highly individualistic, but they have a need to belong. They are disillusioned, but they are not giving up. They have acquired a certain guarded hopefulness.”

And so it is with mothering. Although as teens these girls could be found anywhere but home, as mothers, home has a draw like never before.
 
1. Although demographics vary, for the purposes of this article, “Generation X” is defined as people born between 1965 and 1976.
2. Lisa Lombardi, “Gen X: The Parenting Years,” Nick Jr. Magazine, October 2002, p. 33.
3. “Americans Identify What They Want Out of Life,” Barna Research Online, www.barna.org.
4. “Where Gen X?” Great Articles about Recruiting and Retention www.volunteertoday.com/April02recrui.html.

Rebecca Ingram Powell is a Gen X mother of three. She is the author of Baby Boot Camp: Basic Training for the First Six Weeks of Motherhood and is a certified speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. She and her husband, Rich, make their home in Nashville, Tennessee.

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