Take Control of Your Social Life

Written by Miriam Drennan

This article is courtesy of Christian Single magazine.

At some point in your life you'll find yourself in need of getting out more and meeting new people. Maybe you've moved to another city, or perhaps you've abandoned some old habits (and the people associated with these habits). Perhaps you simply find yourself in a social rut.

Developing your social life doesn't require you to be someone you aren't. Forget the pickup lines and the cheesy break-the-ice jokes. If your social scene seems lacking, there are practical things you can do in making a concerted effort to develop or reignite your social life.

Three Steps to Develop a Healthy Social Life
1. Find your place. Before you get moving, designate one place to serve as your personal retreat — a quiet corner in the public library or perhaps a favorite hiking spot high above your city. It needs to be a place that helps to clear your head every now and then.

2. Make a to-do list for life. Get beyond "pick up dry cleaning" and "mail phone bill." Instead, think of things you've been putting off, things you've always been curious to try. Chances are, if you're in a rut, you might not be in touch with who you are and what you like to do.

3. Be bold and start crossing off things on your to-do list. Start saving money or training or finally getting to know someone in your singles group. Whatever you do, open a few new doors.

Six Things to Accept During the Process
1. Be willing to get beyond your church walls and discover the rest of the world God made. There's nothing wrong with developing close friendships at church, but there are too many singles out there relying on the church as their only social outlet.

2. Take risks, but don't be foolish. Take a chance on going out with a date who could turn out to be a dud, but don't go out with a complete and total stranger. Attend a rock concert when you'd rather go to a booksigning or vice-versa.

3. Be willing to be spontaneous, even if it's inconvenient from time to time. When a friend calls mid-week at 5:30 p.m. with last-minute tickets to a 7 p.m. comedy show with her co-workers, just go. Staying out late on a "school night" every now and then actually keeps you young (please don't ask for scientific proof).

4. Be realistic, too; know when to say when. Staying out on a school night every night will age you rapidly (and make you gain weight — there is scientific proof for that). At some point, you need to recharge your batteries, and that's where No. 1 from the first list comes into play: your place. Remember to go there for rest and head-clearing.

5. Be willing to fail. Remember the to-do list for life (No. 2)? Well, guess what — you're going to discover that you don't enjoy your watercolor class, or that the guy in your rock-climbing club wasn't interested in a friendship. That's OK because now you know yourself a little better than you did before.

6. Still be willing to see beyond your own embarrassment and hang in there. If you discover you enjoy something and you're truly having fun, stay in the game. Who cares if you're not the best?

10 Practical Ways to Develop Your Social Life
1. Take a cue from the past. Get a "big picture" perspective about friends who have fallen off your radar, particularly if they're true friends who encourage you and hold you accountable. In some cases, you should reconnect.

2. Host a party. Go in with a group of friends or (gulp!) fly solo. It doesn't have to be elaborate; it doesn't even have to celebrate anything specific. It does need to be well-planned and considerate of the guests included. For example, it's always a good idea to think through the personality mix or consider dietary needs.

3. Take a class or take lessons. Lack of funds? A lot of cities offer free training in computers, CPR, and self-defense. Lack of time? Consider that a wake-up call to fine-tune your to-do list for life. This isn't about meeting Mr. or Ms. Right; this is about discovering who you are and meeting others who have at least an inquiring interest (like yourself) in whatever you're learning.

4. Volunteer. This is an opportunity to invest in your community, work with others who are like-minded, and develop new relationships.

5. Train for an athletic event. Whether you're a biker, a golfer, or even a weekend walker, ask around about related clubs or training groups in your area. You'll be doing something good for your body and meeting others who will encourage you to keep it up.

6. Attend more gallery/exhibit openings, plays, lectures, and debates. Events like the ones recommended usually have some sort of reception or opportunity for guests to mingle a bit. Often, events like these are free or have a nominal charge and will attract a broad array of folks. They help keep you up to date on issues, events, and discoveries, and they feed your mind, too.

7. Get a pet or grow something. Not an obvious gateway to a more productive social life, but it does help you develop patience, trustworthiness, and caretaking skills — three extremely valuable attributes also found in friends. And keep in mind, there are a variety of social outlets available here, too: garden shows, cat clubs, or just taking the dog for a run in the park.

8. Improve your conversation skills. Read a book to give you something other than the weather or gossip to discuss; learn to truly listen and ask questions.

9. Follow through. Become known as the person whose intentions are true. How many times has someone said to you "We should get together" and it doesn't happen? People are busy, but today's culture uses these kinds of phrases with such shallow regard; instead, learn to use them sparingly and then follow through when you do — it will be a pleasant surprise.

10. Take God to the party. Or the exhibit hall. Or to soccer practice. He wants to help you, guide you, comfort you, and celebrate with you. Remember, He has put this desire in your heart and He has a plan.

We want to get a life, but if you're lonely or searching for new friends, perhaps the idea is to give your life instead.

Share your thoughts with other readers:  Post Comments   Rate this Article