Parent Meeting - What Teens Really Want

Written by Joy Emery

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Living with Teenagers –Jun 04 Our Price: $1.25 See Description

Parents know that what their teens ask for is not always what they really want or need, but parents also struggle with "giving in" to their teens' requests. Use this parent meeting to help parents learn to relate to their teens and give their teens something more meaningful than "material" possessions.

On the cover of the invitation print: My Want List. In various places around the heading list a variety of things teens generally want. List things such as the following: spending money, a DVD/Television combo unit, skateboard, more freedom, cell phone, new computer, new car, end-of-school vacation with friends, my own bedroom, new sports equipment, clothes, new shoes, and so forth. Invite parents to join other parents of teenagers to talk about what teens really want and need- to spend time with their families and to be content. (Provide information regarding time and place.)

Prior to the Meeting:

Make 3 large poster with each of the following written on a separate poster:

• 90% of kids 9-14 say that friends and family are way more important than things money can buy.
• 57% of kids would rather spend time doing something fun with their mom or dad than go to the mall.
• 63% of kids want their parents to have a job that gives them more free time.

If you can find a box that is big enough, wrap these posters and leave the box in a key focal area. If you can't find a box, just put a ribbon around the posters with a bow on the "unwritten" side.

Order copies of the June issue of Living with Teenagers and be ready to refer parents to "What Teens Really Want" by Karen Dockrey on pages 10-13.

Get parents to open up and share some of the most bizarre requests they have had from their teens. Move from the most bizarre to the most common things teens are requesting from their parents. Then talk briefly about the things that cause parents to "give in" to their teen's requests when the parents really don't want to grant the request. (Possible responses: teens wear them down, parents are too tired, parents feel guilty that they aren't able to provide as much monetarily as they wish they could, don't want their teens to be outcasts, and so forth.)

Say: "Sadly, many parents of teenagers end up giving their teens what they request and fail to give them what they really want. There is a delicate balance between understanding your teen's verbalized requests and granting him what he really wants. You may be surprised to discover what some teens said that they really wanted and it wasn't something that could be wrapped up in a big box with a big ribbon." (Open up the box with the posters or cut the ribbon from the posters.) Discuss the three statistics on the posters.

Form five small groups. Give each group one of the following situations and Bible verses:

1. Jennifer loves to watch the popular homemaker shows. After seeing one teenager's room redecorated, she wants to redecorate her room in the same manner. She wants her room to reflect her personality. How do you decide whether or not to redecorate her room?
   Significance - John 10:10
2. Mike wanted to invite some guys over to watch television, but he said that his friends would expect a huge home entertainment center. You want him to have friends, but you know you can't afford it at this point. What can you do to help him develop friendships without the huge investment in an entertainment center?
   Friends - Proverbs 27:17
3. You wanted to give Brandon something really special for his birthday, so you got him a car. Brandon has wrecked the car twice and continues to run out of gas. He promised to pay for the gas and insurance but is behind on his payment. You know that he wants his freedom, but it is costing you big bucks. What action should you take at this point?
   Freedom - John 8:32
4. Kristen complains about her sister wearing her clothes and always coming in her room. Kristen likes to have her privacy and has always been a little on the selfish side. She wants you to punish her sister.  You know that Kristen is getting ready to leave for college soon and will be sharing a smaller space with a college roommate. How do you address the sibling issue?
   Sibling Relationships - Proverbs 18:24
5. Krista has indicated that Gretchen's mom is a great listener. Krista wants to go to Gretchen's house every day after school. Often she calls to see if she can eat supper with Gretchen's family. You are beginning to feel a little jealous. How do you address the issue? What do you think Krista's real need might be?
   Parental Involvement - Proverbs 22:6

Ask the small groups to discuss possible responses to each situation and then to discuss the Bible verse and how that verse might address a specific life need. Then ask small groups to share a little about the real life need represented in each situation.

• Significance - John 10:10
  Some teens try to find their significance in things. Parents need to direct teen's to discover their identity in Christ.
• Friends - Proverbs 27:17
  You know that material things don't buy lasting friendships, but you also know that it takes a friend to have a friend. Show your teen how to be a friend.
• Freedom - John 8:32
  While teen's desire freedom, our freedom is only free if we make our life choices with responsibility and maturity. Now is the time to teach how choices have consequences.
• Sibling Relationships - Proverbs 18:24
  In the real world, people who live together will disagree and both need to learn thoughtfulness in Jesus' name.
• Parental Involvement - Proverbs 22:6
  Skills learned from parents teach teens valuable life skills. Parents don't just make the decisions for their teens; they invest themselves in their teens to give their teens the life skills needed for the future.

Take some time at the end of the session to brainstorm ways parents can give their teens more time with their families. The following are suggestions to get your group started:

• Have a family night at least one night a month.
• Make it a habit to go into your teen's room at night and talk briefly about the day before he turns out the light.
• Stop what you are doing when your teen finally wants to talk or ask a question.
• Ask God to reveal to you when to grant your teen's requests and when to meet a deeper need instead.
• Do something your teen enjoys doing. When vacationing together, ask your teen what he really wants to do before planning your agenda.
• Open up and tell your teen how she can pray for you. Seeing your "real" life needs will help your teen feel even closer to you.

As always in addressing parents of teenagers, feel free to invite a Christian counselor or a high school counselor with a Christian worldview to assist in leading your meeting. Parents appreciate your care in bringing in professionals who can also provide additional support after the meeting.