Three Basic Truths about Forgiveness and Abuse

Written by David M. Walley

Abuse and forgiveness do not seem to go together. It does not seem right that we should forgive the one whose abuse of us changed our lives forever in ways we can never regain. Forgiving a person does not mean he or she has regained our trust, but that we have released the offender’s hold on us.

Free to Forgive

Here are some basic truths about forgiveness and abuse:

1. Our abuse wounded us, it did not kill us.
If we let ourselves die inside because of abuse and yet remain alive physically, then something must continue to excuse our deadness. We choose to continue in our deadness and use our abuse as our excuse. Abuse that does not kill often infects, not with death but with a desire not to experience life.

2. Forgiveness is the pathway to our resurrection from this deadness.
It calls us back to life, for which we were designed, including its relationships, to which we were called. Forgiveness requires courage. Fear is a terrible prison, but many choose to stay there rather than to walk out courageously into the freedom which is ours by design to enjoy. It seems safer because we have bars between us and others.

3. Abuse is not beyond the redemptive nature of God.
An old Puritan statement says, "The thing that galls Satan the most is when God takes the things Satan intended for our destruction and uses them for our good and His glory." Our God is not so weak that He cannot take your abuse, turn it for your good, and allow you to use it in ways that will bring Him glory and expand His kingdom.

I don’t know why does God not prevent the abuse from happening in the first place. Even if I knew, I probably would not like it and would have liked God to ask me if I was willing to make the trade before letting me go through it. In the end, it does not matter, if I trust His character. What He can do with our abuse surrendered to Him is greater than what we can do with our abuse surrendered to the enemy. Since the abuse has already happened and we cannot live as if it hasn’t, we may as well give it to God and let Him do with it what He wants. At least then, our suffering will have had some purpose.

Few things are more life-draining than suffering that has no meaning. Few things are more life-giving than seeing our pain made purposeful, especially when that purpose has eternal significance. In that experience, we might become an alleluia, not just sing one (Ted Loder, Guerrillas of Grace: Prayers for the Battle, Innisfree Press, 1984, p.107).

I wish abuse were not a reality. While abuse is still in abundance in our homes; on our playgrounds; and, unfortunately, sometimes even in our churches, we need to listen to God setting us free. In this case, the truth is still the road to freedom; but the road is paved with forgiveness.

David M. Walley is Director of The BABBCENTER , a counseling ministry extension of First Baptist Church, Hendersonville, Tennessee.

Read the full article (.pdf): A New Exodus: Forgiveness and Abuse

Related Articles: