3 Myths of Forgiveness

Written by Paul Carlisle

The following are three major “forgiveness myths” that hinder Christ-centered forgiveness along with truths and solutions for forgiving.

Free to Forgive

Myth 1: Forgiving You Means I Am No Longer Hurting

Truth: True forgiveness is an act of the heart despite throbbing physical, emotional, or mental pain. Jesus extended forgiveness to Roman soldiers amidst the pain they inflicted at his crucifixion.

Solutions for Pain:

• Confess your true feelings to the Lord
• Be honest with God about how you feel forgiving the person who hurt you.
• Trust God for His strength to sustain you so you can forgive the person.

Recommended Prayer: “Lord, Dawn hurt me so much that I am not sure I will ever heal. I can’t believe she said such hurtful things behind my back and then acted so nice to my face. Just the thought of her actions infuriates me. I never want to see her again! Having said all this, I refuse to let unforgiveness and bitterness become lord of my life. Father, give me the desire and strength to forgive Dawn. Conquer and rule me now, Lord. I will obey you. Thank you for hearing me.”

Myth 2: Forgiving Is Forgetting

Truth: God forgives and chooses never to bring up our sin again (this is the idea of forget); yet this is not true for us. We forgive, even though we may never be able to erase the memory of the offense from our minds. Deep wounds caused by others require us to “continue” forgiving.

Solution: You can pray for the offender using the following steps:

1. Ask the Lord to direct your mind in how to pray for this person
2. Sit still for a few moments and listen for the Lord’s voice
3. Pray the direction the Lord has given you (If you have not received specific direction then pray a promise of God’s Word for the person)

Myth 3: Forgiving Is Ignoring Sin
Biblical forgiveness is the only solution to being sinned against. It is not biblical if it ignores the sin of another.

Truth: Jesus said, "So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him. The apostles said to the Lord, 'Increase our faith!'" Luke 17:3-5

Solution: When sinned against we are to rebuke and restore. After repentance, we are to forgive no matter how many times a person sins against us in a day.

Forgiveness myths hinder us from tapping all the riches of Christ’s life. Don’t believe them. Commit to God that you will not follow their seductive overtures. I encourage you to continue forgiving others when the hurt is deep and the pain you have experienced is profound. The initial step of forgiveness may have occurred years ago, but you must be disciplined to continue in forgiveness.

Paul Carlisle is professor of pastoral counseling and care at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, Kansas City, Missouri. He is a speaker with a passion for spiritual transformation and mentoring. Adapted from a previously published article.