Real Love

Written by Harold and Bette Gillogly

This article is courtesy of ParentLife magazine.

We all have basic needs such as food, water, clothing, and love. Yes, we all are born with the need to be loved. We need love that does not depend on how good we are or how good we look. We need the kind of love that God loves us with — unconditional love. And God commands us to love the same way: “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another” (1 John 4:11). God wants you to partner with Him to love your mate unconditionally.

Oh, What a Feeling

 Some people think that love is a feeling that catches us off guard. God does not command us to have a gooshy feeling. He commands us to love whether we feel like it or not.

Not Just a Feeling, a Choice

Real love is practical. We cannot choose to feel gooshy, but we can choose to love. One evening several years ago, I was faced with such a choice. It had been a busy day, and dishes were stacked high in the kitchen sink when Bette and I had to go to a church business meeting. We finally got home about 10:30 p.m., and I had one thing on my mind — sleep. But as we walked into the house, Bette trudged toward the kitchen muttering, “I just can’t face those dishes in the morning.”

I stopped in my tracks. “You’re going to do the dishes right now?” I asked. I knew I had to make a choice, and I knew what the loving choice was. I did not feel like doing it. I felt like going to bed. But real love walked me into the kitchen, not complaining but with a willing spirit.

Having a willing spirit is very important. If I had come into the kitchen to help Bette while grumbling and complaining, she probably would have told me to get out. Sometimes our motivation for grumbling is to be let off the hook. But that night, I made Bette feel loved.

One Choice at a Time

When we choose to love, we choose to put our mate’s needs before our own. That is not natural or easy for us to do. In fact, there is no way we can love like God unless God loves through us. And the good news is He will. God commands us to love like He loves, then He equips and empowers us to do it. By His grace, we can choose real love every day, one choice at a time.

Harold and Bette Gillogly are marriage and family conference speakers. They are the authors of Experiencing Oneness, a Couple’s Study for Growth in Intimacy. You can visit their Web site at GTO Family Ministries.

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