Single Parents: Getting a Handle on Spending

Written by Barbara Schiller

This article is courtesy of Christian Single magazine

It’s 2 a.m. and there is barely enough to pay the bills. I recall the past month and my conversations with the kids:

“Mom, there’s a drill team meeting tonight. Payment for my uniforms is due.”

“Mom, track starts next week. I’ve decided to run hurdles and sprints. I need two different kinds of shoes for these events.”

“Mom, all the kids have these cool blue jeans. I need a pair too.”

I stutter a desperate prayer: “Lord, I don’t know how much longer I can scrape by each month. Please show me the way.” This is a prayer of many single parents. Perhaps today it’s yours.

Financial stability doesn’t just happen. It requires intentional planning and emotional energy. Here are eight practical steps for establishing a money plan.

STEP 1: Accept the struggle and assess your attitude.

Making ends meet with one salary (and possibly no child support) can be challenging and frustrating. However, whining, complaining, and yelling only complicate the family’s journey toward wholeness. Beware: the kids are watching. Guilt and anxiety will push you into making unhealthy decisions that may impact your future.

I remember tossing and turning in my bed one night, anxious about unpaid bills. I read Matthew 6:31-33 over and over again: “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I wanted to believe, yet my fears destroyed my peace of mind. Then, in the stillness of that night, the story of the father with the demon-possessed son enveloped me (Mark 9:17-24). Jesus’ response to the father who asked Him to heal his son reminded me of the Lord’s tenderness and limitless caring. The father’s reply to Jesus became mine: “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” God hears our pleas.

STEP 2: Ask where your money is going.

Ask yourself questions such as:

• How often am I eating out with the kids due to time constraints?
• Where can I cut expenses?
• When was the last time the kids and I had fun?

Don’t allow guilt to enter into this thinking process. These questions will allow you to see the financial big picture.

STEP 3: Keep a journal of spending habits.

Prioritize and rank financial needs, then filter this information into a monthly schedule. For example, decide what needs to be paid this month. Does the car need work? What about school functions that require money?

Obviously, some areas won’t change, such as rent and utilities, but rank them anyway. Include every detail of where money is being spent.

STEP 4: Talk with someone you trust.

Sharing your financial struggles and asking for help is difficult but necessary to gain perspective. Seek involvement in a support group. Communicating with others helps you to not feel alone.

STEP 5: Set up a budget with a financial advisor (if needed).

A budget projects what your needs are and ascertains your realities. Is my job adequate? Can I ask for a raise? Is going back to school an option? These questions help uncover the bottom line. If you’re overextended on credit cards, consider seeing a debt counselor.

STEP 6: Communicate with your employer.

Don’t expect him to understand the craziness of your lifestyle. Instead, in small doses, provide him with the realities of your daily routine without seeking special privileges. Being late, dressing sloppy, or lacking child care shouldn’t be aspects of living as a single parent. It’s your responsibility to educate your boss without displaying resentment.

STEP 7: Educate your children about finances.

Keep in mind their age and don’t overwhelm them. Young children aren’t able to fully grasp cash-flow issues. In fact, you may frighten them if they’re given too much information. Teenagers see the struggle but may not want to understand. Their emotional energies are driven toward fitting in. The bottom line, though, is to reassure them you’re doing everything possible to meet their needs. Try to find a balance in communicating your willingness to provide their hearts’ desires and what it costs to bring these desires to reality. Be creative.

STEP 8: Allow yourself to dream.

My father used to tell me, “Dreams are cheap. They don’t cost anything.” Or as Ecclesiastes 5:3 states, “A dream comes when there are many cares.” During my darkest parenting years, dreaming helped me experience hope. And hope eventually led to encouragement.

Find a quiet, comfortable place. Brew a cup of coffee or tea. Play inspiring music. And dream. Dream big. How about a mini-family vacation? For example, set aside $5 a week, starting this month. By next summer, you’ll have saved $200 to do something special. This may not seem like much, but if doing something special hasn’t happened in a long time, this can be an encouraging event for the whole family.

Keep in mind that life is lived in the present. At the same time, learn from the financial troubles of your past to give you and your family a better future.

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