Dealing with Conflict: Essential Curriculum for Your Homeschool

Written by Annette Friesen

“And He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ; certain that God is appealing through us, we plead on Christ’s behalf, ‘Be reconciled to God.’” II Corinthians 5: 19-20 (HCSB)

No one is exempt from conflict in relationships. In fact, conflict is inevitable. We have a saying at Peacemaker Ministries: “Where two or three are gathered together… there will be conflict!” Despite our best efforts as believers to establish the best run, properly structured homeschool organizations and support groups, we will have conflicts.

Any time a conflict goes unresolved, it can grow to infect first your heart and then with all those with whom you have contact. Conflicts among Christians can be even more intense and destructive as people take positions based on their religious beliefs; they often succumb to self-righteousness and begin to judge others' motives. Thinking that they alone are defending biblical truth, they label all opposing views as unbiblical, sinful, and even "of the enemy."

Jesus prayed for us, "May they be made completely one, so that the world may know You sent Me and that You have loved them just as you have loved Me" (John 17:23, HCSB).

When conflicts arise, we can easily lose sight of God’s mission for us as believers. Dr. Paul Tripp, in his wonderful book War of Words, puts it this way:

Human problems are opportunities God can use to draw the people around us into fuller and deeper fellowship with Him. This higher agenda is present in every relationship and every situation. God is working redemptively in all of them.

In his second letter to the church in Corinth, the Apostle Paul wrote, “And He has committed the message of reconciliation to us. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ; certain that God is appealing through us, we plead on Christ’s behalf, ‘Be reconciled to God’” (2 Cor. 5: 19-20, HCSB).

The job of an ambassador is to represent his country to the best of his ability. He puts aside his own agenda and plan and works for the good of those who have sent him. As representatives to the world of Christ’s work on the cross in us, our responses to conflict impact lives. They will reveal our true purpose and mission in life. Is it Christ’s or ours?

What is your first response? Often we choose to deny the problem exists, or we escape the whole problem by avoiding the people involved or by giving them the cold shoulder. We might find a co-conspirator and share the problem, or—under the guise of a prayer request—we find ourselves gossiping. We attack with our tongue or we ignore the problem exists, all the while growing bitter in our hearts. None of these responses are biblical.

Through the grace of God through Jesus Christ, there really is hope for Christians in conflict. Paul Tripp goes on to say, “We want our words (and our lives) to contribute to what He is doing. However, we will not be instruments of reconciliation if we are living in broken, unreconciled relationships with other
people.”

One of Ken Sande’s (president of Peacemakers Ministries) comments in a keynote address always brings an audible sigh from the audience: “Try to imagine a conversation fifteen years from now with your son's wife. Do you think she will ever say, ‘Thank you, Mom, for teaching John to read,’ or ‘I really appreciate how well you taught John to multiply?’ No, these things will probably be taken for granted. But if you teach your son peacemaking today, you may hear the words someday ‘Thank you so very much for teaching John to admit when he's wrong, to confront so gently, and to forgive so quickly.’"

What appeal are you making to your husband, to your children, to others? Are you calling others to be reconciled to God? Dr. Paul Tripp, in his wonderful book War of Words, puts it this way: “In essence, all the good curricula and academic skills will be meaningless if we are not being ambassadors of God’s reconciliation.”

And I don’t even need another person to have a conflict – I have conflicts with myself! Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have suffering. But take courage! I have conquered the world” (John 16:33, HCSB). What a promise! In Christ we have peace. In the world we will have trouble and conflict, but Jesus has overcome this! In His sovereign wisdom and grace, God has provided a way out of the conflict jungle, and given us wonderful peacemaking principles in His Word, and a way to make His appeal to reconciliation through us.

Are you in the midst of a painful conflict? Has your homeschool experience become one struggle after another? Maybe you are like I was some summers ago, not looking forward to starting up again in the fall. If this is so, begin with prayer, and lay the burden of your conflicts at Jesus’ feet, the place of peace. Jeremiah 31:25 promises, “For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes.”

Letting go of our agenda, that self-focused pursuit for satisfaction, and seeking God’s agenda in those areas of life that just aren’t working is what God offers. It is what He has been waiting for. His offer is wonderful. “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light” (Matt.11: 28-30, HCSB). Frequently we falsely believe our own agenda will give us what we want. But pursuing this soon becomes burdensome, heavy, and threatens to break us. When we acknowledge this to God and turn from our way to His way that is when we find the peace and rest that we truly seek.

Commit yourself, then, to learning what God’s Word says about making peace, so that you can move yourself and others towards reconciliation. A good place to begin is at our Web site, www.hispeace.org. There you will find articles and true stories about biblical peacemaking, as well as many other resources to encourage and help you bring the redemption that God desires for your relationships. Not only will this bring purpose and peace to your homeschooling process, but also the benefit will spread even further to others around your family. Begin to teach these principles to your children. You will learn alongside them.

We can all learn to see God’s hand extended into our daily conflicts, teaching us to respond to human problems biblically, so that others and we can be drawn into fuller and deeper relationship with Him. As these relationships bring glory to God and demonstrate reconciliation, we can truly say, “We are ambassadors for Christ.” What better mission is there for the homeschool family?

Annette is the Homeschool Specialist for Peacemaker Ministries. Annette and her husband Rick graduated all three children from homeschooling. They have been involved with homeschool leadership since1985. Currently they both work for Peacemaker Ministries and reside in Billings, Montana.

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