Coping with Change

Written by Barney Self

Change is an inevitable part of life. A common perspective is that “the only thing that remains constant is change.” The problem we face in modern life is that change is taking place at such a rapid pace that we have little chance to adapt or adjust before we are faced with additional changes. So how can you as a secretary or administrative assistant handle the massive amounts of change forced upon you by your job, your personal life, and our society as a whole?

When faced with difficult issues of change in life we will often try to resist. Even if we do not resist, we often enter into the process of complaining about what we have to deal with. Sessions of complaining around the coffee pot or at break times are intended to minimize the pain or to find some degree of comfort in others’ similar points of view. Unfortunately, those sessions tend to create lowered morale and have just the opposite effect that we might hope for. So, should we simply keep our mouths shut and pretend that everything is fine? No, this alternative is a set-up for further frustration and struggle.

Feelings are neither right nor wrong. What we do with them, however, takes on all manner of moral significance. We must be able to talk about our frustrations but with a focus on recognizing clearly that there are things we cannot change. Our focus must be on how we can turn the changes into a benefit in our lives and make the best of life with our employer. God promises, not that we should have an easy life, but rather when life becomes difficult He will help us to take every negative factor that comes our way and turn it into a blessing—if we partner with Him in the process.

Biblical Response to Change
What is a biblical response to change and the frustration that it generates in our lives? Change generates stress. Stress has to be dealt with in a direct manner, or it will begin to alter our lives physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

God challenges us to take care of ourselves physically and to participate in what is necessary to bring about health in our lives.—This includes a healthy diet, exercise, rest, and healthy ways of relaxation.

God calls us to follow a pattern of being direct with our feelings without causing others to be hurt in the process.— Ephesians 4:26 suggests that we should “be angry and sin not.” We must learn how to be honest and yet gentle with others in the process of being direct with our feelings. This is a way not only to lower stress but also to build relationships.

We are called to become more like Christ.—Obviously, this means having a daily connection through prayer and Bible study; but even more it must be a way of life that puts a focus on Him at the very center of all that we do.

We are also called to generate the best in relationships.—Often we struggle in relationship with those whom we work with and in our families with those whom we love. God calls us to seek His strength and the Holy Spirit’s power to effectuate healthy change in these relationships.

Depleters
When faced with massive changes in life we experience pain. We often try to soothe our pain and discomfort in order to cope better with the trauma caused by this change. Often we feel depleted by the stress, frustration, and pain of life. We try to find elements that will replenish us and help us to be able to enjoy life again and to function in an efficient and healthy manner. A number of elements that we use in this pattern have a negative effect and in the end cause us more trauma. These elements are referred to as depleters—they deplete our strength and emotional reserves. Some of the most common depleters are:

Caffeine.—One prime element that is often used is that of caffeine. Caffeine is a drug. It has a positive benefit in that it increases the heart rate and helps us to feel energized. Unfortunately, after the surge created by the caffeine, our body feels even more exhausted and depleted. This leads to a need for more caffeine, and this is the force behind those of us who drink 10 to 15 cups of coffee daily.

Foods containing processed sugar or flour.—Another source of comfort is found in foods containing processed sugar or flour. Cookies, cakes, candies, and breads are all potential offenders. If the candy is chocolate, caffeine is added to the diet once again. These foods are soothing to a degree and are pleasurable. Unfortunately, the body has an increased blood sugar level from them; and there is a “sugar crash” after the sugar is processed because the body offsets its intake by increasing the flow of insulin. We end up feeling worse because of this intake and can also feel worse in the long run because of potential weight gains.

Alcohol.—When stress rises some people turn to alcohol as a soothing element. It is a depressant and can have an initially calming effect. Unfortunately, the body is both harmed by its intake and works instantly to try to rid itself of this chemical invasion. The debilitating effects of this drug are well documented.

Shopping.—Another common way to offset stress is to shop. Shopping is not negative in and of itself; but when things are purchased to try to soothe our pain, this becomes treacherous ground. The question that needs to be asked is “Why am I buying this?” Purchases made for true needs are one thing, but often we purchase out of want or out of an emotional need. This sets in motion a potential crisis when we are forced to deal with those purchases rather than do something more meaningful with the money. People complain that they have no money with which to take a vacation—a healthy escape. This is often the case because their money was spent piecemeal trying to soothe the pain of life.

The following is a list of other depleting responses to stress:

• Eating for Comfort
• Pornography
• Isolation
• Avoidance
• Sexual Acting Out
• Gambling
• Lethargy
• Workaholism
• Distancing from Friends

Any of these can be seen by the user as a way to soothe their pain. God calls us to make choices that will truly replenish our bodies and spirits.

Replenishers
Replenishers are elements that add back to the person and allow them to be able to function in an efficient and healthy manner. The following is a partial list of replenishers:                 

1.  Music
2.  Journaling
3.  Storytelling
4.  Meditation
5.  Massage
6.  Exercise
7.  Healthy Diet
8.  Couple Relationship Time
9.  Positive Hobbies
10. Spiritual Growth
11. Accountability
12. Connection with Healthy Friends

These factors can have a massive impact on our ability to deal with stress in our lives in a healthy manner. These factors are varied and will affect the body, mind, and spirit. The key for their being included on the list is that participation in these activities replenishes the person without having a payoff that adds additional stress. The key in dealing with change and the stress it produces is to choose wisely what we do about the feelings that are generated. God calls us to choose wisely by including replenishers in our lives and avoiding the depleters and the natural consequences they generate.

Barney Self, Ed.D., is LeaderCare Counselor in Pastoral Ministries, LifeWay Christian Resources, Nashville, Tennessee. He also is a licensed marital and family therapist.

Adapted from Secretaries: FYI, Summer 2000 issue, pp.1-2. Used by permission.

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