Reach Out and Help

Written by Betty L. Rosian

This article is courtesy of  HomeLife magazine.

"Can I help you in any way?" The friend’s voice asked the now-familiar question, and I gave my usual answer, "Thanks, but I’m fine."

Why in the world did I say that? I asked myself. I wasn’t OK. I had broken my ankle the week before. My limitations were maddening. "Stay off your feet for a week and keep all weight off the injured foot for four more weeks," the doctor had instructed.

I didn’t have the upper body strength for crutches. A borrowed walker with wheels was slightly easier for me to manage until I sailed into the bathroom on those wheels, caught the doorway, and plunged face down on the ceramic tile floor. With badly bruised hands, it was difficult to use the walker. Getting around was a challenge.

All responsibility for my care rested on my incredible husband, Ray. He served me breakfast in bed, came home at noon to fix lunch, and then whipped up dinner. He even kept up with the housework.

Asking for Help Can Be Hard

I lay in bed with phone, laptop computer, a stack of magazines, and the TV remote at my fingertips. I led the life of a princess for five days. Then Ray had a heart attack and needed by-pass surgery. I may have thought I was self-sufficient, but this was wake-up time. The kitchen might as well have been a hundred miles away. My little world had a mere 15-foot range, which included the bathroom.

Why was it so hard for me to tell a friend I needed help – in fact was desperate for it? The answer is simple. I had never had to depend on anyone else. I always had life under control and helped others. Bad things didn’t happen to me. Of course, that wasn’t reality. I just didn’t want anyone to know I couldn’t handle it all. Who wants to hear someone whine? We all have trials, I reasoned.

Now, though, the cast was on the other foot, so to speak; and I needed a serious attitude adjustment. Meals on Wheels took care of my biggest need: dinner. The dust on the furniture and the pile of laundry were of little concern to me.

But I wanted desperately to visit Ray in the hospital. Swallowing hard, I made my first attempt to ask for help. The pastor had offered his help, so I called him. He came, assisted me to the car, and got a wheelchair for me at the hospital. My visit with Ray was good. He had been as worried about me as I was about him.

Helping Others Is a Gift

My experience opened my eyes to the outside world. Yes, we really do need each other. I now understand why God includes helping in the list of gifts in 1 Corinthians 12:28.

Over the next few weeks I discovered the difference between offering help and making help available. Some people made asking for help easy by offering specific favors, such as picking up items from the store. When the pastor called again to ask what else I needed, I knew I had not abused his kindness.

Others offered help, but they really had no plan for making help available. One such friend called and said, "If I can help in any way, just let me know."

"Well," I said hesitantly, "I could use some milk."

After a brief silence, she stammered, "Oh! I’m sorry. I just got home from the store."

"Don’t worry about it," I assured her. "I’ll get it another day."

"Are you sure?" she asked, relief evident in her voice.

"I’m sure," I said.

Anyone Can Learn How to Help

Some people seem to be born with the ability to reach out and help others in just the right way, but some of us have a lot to learn about offering help. I learned much as I saw God at work in His people throughout my family’s ordeal. I knew I wanted to be that kind of person, too.

My situation wasn’t unique. People all around us have setbacks. And some people must depend on the goodness of others to meet their daily needs. In learning how to receive, I also learned how to give. Here are some things I learned about offering help:

Be honest. Offer help only if you are confident you can give it cheerfully. If the present time is not convenient, ask if you can help tomorrow or the next day.

Be specific. Make it easier for the hurting person to accept an offer. Don’t ask, "Can I do anything for you?" Ask, "Do you need something from the store? laundry done? a ride to the doctor’s office? help with child care?"

Be personal. People get lonely. When someone is in the hospital, visitors come and go at any time. But when an individual goes home, the fear of intruding keeps us away. Lying in solitude all day can be difficult, especially for outgoing people. Why not offer to bring in lunch and eat it together? Instead of only dropping off a magazine, read something in it of mutual interest and discuss it together.

Be a good listener. Don’t spend a visit talking about yourself or your problems. Show interest in the person you are visiting. Be part of the healing process by offering the gift of a listening ear.

Be aware of dietary limitations when preparing meals for another. Call before you prepare a meal and ask about allergies, dietary limitations, and food preferences.

Be sensitive. Call late morning or late afternoon when an ill person is less likely to be napping. If you visit, don’t stay too long. Unless you are intimate friends, 15 to 30 minutes is long enough.

Be faithful. Often, friends rally around those with problems for a short time and then disappear. Continue meeting the needs you can until things are back to normal. When Ray came home from the hospital, the calls and offers of help tapered off, but at that point our need for help actually increased.

Be sure to follow up. Several sincere offers of help will increase the likelihood that the individual will relax and allow you to help.

The Bible teaches how to be a friend in need. Jesus said, "If anyone gives even a cup of cold water…because he is my disciple…he will certainly not lose his reward" (Matthew 10:42). James said to "look after orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27). Times change. Cultures change. But human needs don’t. Won’t you help someone in need today?

Betty L. Rosian is a freelance writer from Johnstown, Pennsylvania.

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