Help Teens Cope When Military Parents Leave

Written by Richard E. Dodge

When a teen’s father or mother is been deployed for military service, not only is there a vacuum in the family for personal and spiritual guidance,  but also the potential for resentment, anger and confusion about why a parent has been pulled away. While no one can replace a parent when youth struggle with questions about life and faith, mentors can bridge some of the gap military deployment creates in families.

If your church has military families in its membership, it’s safe to assume that some teens in your church need help. Develop a ministry to teens whose families face military absences. Developing mentoring skills requires careful, prayerful thought and planning. Here are some suggestions for getting started.

Make time for teens - Mentors guide us along paths in life. Effective mentoring requires time and effort because a good mentor is someone who wants to bring about change. Mentors not only spend time with youth, they also help youth deal with life, a challenge that cannot be taken lightly.

Develop Interpersonal skills - Mentors need to demonstrate a number of relational skills to be able to communicate with teenagers they “adopt.” One vital skill mentors need is the ability to listen—not just hear words, but listen in the deepest sense. They also need to have patience and spiritual and emotional maturity as well as a strong sense of self-awareness.

Discover what mentoring means - Because mentoring requires time and commitment, potential mentors need to learn what is required. Book stores carry a variety of resources on how to become a mentor.

Identify potential class members - Look for adults who have spiritual gifts consistent with the skills mentioned already. Consider enlisting men and women in personal visits.

Obtain names of families impacted by military deployment - Contact youth and preteen teachers for the names of youth whose parents are being deployed. Also ask teachers to obtain youth’s friends’ names, such as classmates or other friends outside the church family.

Make one-on-one contacts - Random assignment of youth to adults may work in some cases, but mentors should identify teens personally and visit these youth individually to find ways to open relational doors.

Psychologists tell us we often define who we are by the relationships we establish. Helping teens establish relationships first with Jesus Christ and also with adults who care can transform lives will help them establish sound identities and prevent many from becoming police statistics. Mentors change the world one life at a time.

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