Stress the Positive

Written by Leslie McKellar

Sunday morning your pastor stressed the importance of finding time to spend alone with God. Responsibilities at work, force you to work late often. You are leading a small group Bible study that requires daily preparation. You try to exercise four times a week. Your family wants to see you once in a while, not to mention your friends. Life is just too busy and you sometimes sense you are out of control.

All you’re doing is stressing.

LifeWay Recommends Straight from the Bible, Living Peacefully in a Stressful World  shows readers how to pursue peace-preserving habits that inoculate against the virulent strains of stress.

Demands on our time and energy, though constantly fluctuating, never go away. But while you’re certainly no stranger to stress, be aware that some stress is absolutely good for you; that there are healthy and unhealthy ways of coping with stress; and that you can reduce the amount of stress in your life without moving to a monastery.

Stress Defined

Stress can be categorized as “anything that causes you to move out of your baseline level of functioning,” according to Dawn Jordan, psychotherapist and founder of The Potter’s Wheel, a Christian marriage and family counseling practice in Charleston, S.C. “That can be positive or negative.” Take, for instance, getting married. “A joyful time — but loads of stress!” she says. Other examples of positive stress include having a baby, starting a new job, going on a mission trip, moving, or having a child leave for college. Positive stressors force you to change and grow in positive ways. They make your life interesting and exciting. They can motivate you to accomplish great things. In fact, experts say, you need at least a little stress in your life to fend off boredom and even depression.

For 17 years Essi Systems, has helped individuals assess and manage stress, build resiliency, and make lasting behavioral change so that stress becomes a success source, not a black hole. Their philosophy?

“As long as you think of stress as negative, you’ll try to move away from it, keep it at arm’s length, or try to prevent having stress in the first place. But stress is a [key ingredient of optimal performance]. Positive stress is actually essential and beneficial, and can be your strongest ally for leading a stimulating, healthy life, filled with vitality and resilience,” says Essi Systems CEO, Esther Orioli.

The stress pros at Essi Systems offer this spontaneous test: Quick! Think of three positive stress words. Did you think creativity, zeal, passion, excitement, or motivation? These are stress words as well — positive stress words. So, remember to watch your language when you talk about stress. When you mean negative stress, say distress or negative stress. When you mean positive stress, say eustress or positive stress. Avoid using the word stress for all things negative.

In fact, think about stress the way you think about blood pressure. High blood pressure or low blood pressure can be problematic, but you never want your blood pressure to go away completely. Same with stress. When unregulated, uncontrolled, or ignored, stress can be harmful to your health and well-being. But too little stress can lead to apathy, atrophy, fatigue, and illness. A major step toward successful stress management is to find and maintain a personal equilibrium, a balance that works for you at each stage of your life.

Stress Success

How do you find that oh-so-illusive equilibrium?

1. Get to know yourself. Take some time to figure out what causes you negative stress. Is the relational stress in your life due to poor communication? Does having to adapt to change stress you out? Do you struggle with time management? Some experts suggest keeping a “stress journal” for a few weeks — jotting down notes about the thoughts and activities that trigger anxiety in you or drain your time and energy, as well as those that motivate you (maybe walking on the beach, painting, or reading). Then you can reduce the stress in your life by eliminating some of the negative and adding more of the positive.

2. Change your mind. Because stress has mostly to do with your reaction to a situation, you can reduce it simply by learning to think and respond differently to potentially negative situations. Some examples: Don’t try to control things you have no control over. Think of change as a challenge rather than a threat. Don’t think yourself further and further into panic or depression. Don’t be overly critical of yourself. Don’t anticipate the worst-case scenario, instead, focus on positive outcomes. Apply Philippians 4:8: "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable — if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things" (HCSB). 

3. Work It Out. Those who couple stress with inactivity greatly increase their risk for health problems. So, get moving in a positive direction. Find an activity you enjoy: Walking. Swimming. In-line skating. Even breathing deeply and stretching can counter the affects of negative stress.

4. Disengage. Give yourself a chance to get away from the negative stress in your life. Jordan suggests taking several short breaks during the day, a “rest day” once a week, an extended break once a month, and a long vacation at least once a year. Sometimes, just a 20-minute vacation with a cup of herbal tea can really help stress roll off your back.
“De-stressing is cumulative just like stress is cumulative,” Jordan explains. “If you can learn to balance out life with positive coping mechanisms such as down times, breaks, and exercise, it’s going to accumulate and fortify you against negative stress.”

5. Get time-wise. Take control. Make sure your commitments line up with your values and life goals. Restructure your priorities if you need to. Don’t just go for efficiency (getting more done), but effectiveness (spending the majority of your time on things that are meaningful to you).

Also — and you knew this was coming — learn to say no! This is important, even in ministry, Jordan says. “If you find yourself resenting all the things you do for the cause of Christianity because you’re swamped with projects and committees and meetings and ministries, back up. Ask yourself if you need to focus on one primary thing, or let go of something, so you can focus on your own friendship with God.”

6. Communicate your feelings. That could mean openly and honestly resolving conflict in a stressful relationship or simply venting a little bit with a trusted friend about your job (but don’t forget to listen, too!) In positive conflict resolution, assertiveness is key — making your views known and understood without making the other person feel threatened or belittled.

7. Forgive. “Forgiveness is a big stress reliever,” Jordan says. “[It] contributes to your mental health. Ask yourself: Is there something I need to let go of in order to release this pressure on my body and my spirit? We’re not made to carry that around; God said He’d take it.”

8. Keep the faith. “In dealing with day-to-day distress, ask the Holy Spirit to change you; to whisper to you: ‘calm down,’ or ‘this isn’t important,’ ” Jordan says. And remember, where negative stress is concerned, an attitude of grace is the most positive perspective of all. When you face a stressful situation and look at it through the eyes of Christ, rather than the eyes of the world, grace pours over that situation. The Holy Spirit will first reveal your own rough edges and help you remember that no one is perfect; that everyone is on a growth path. And if you can give others grace, you’ll get through every situation with a lot less distress.

“Faith is the cornerstone of good stress management,” Jordan says. And there’s nothing more positive than walking in faith. It’s absolutely the best way to stress the positive and to look at the negative in a positive light, knowing that God is on your side, working to make all things good: "We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28 (HCSB).

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