Not Just Another New Year

Written by Vickie Knierim

This article is courtesy of ParentLife magazine.

Every year about this time I sit down, pen in hand, and make my list of resolutions for the new year: lose 10 (or 20) pounds, walk three miles a day, eat more veggies, read more books, clean out the storage closet …you know the drill.

But this year is different. As I reflect on the year that has passed and look forward to the year that lies ahead, I do not feel compelled to write my usual “to do” list. Instead of stressing over the scale or the messy closet, I find myself smiling about something one of my boys said or remembering the time a peacock chased Neil down the sidewalk and the boys and I laughed so hard our sides hurt.

And when I think about the future, I do not drag out the calendar and begin formulating a plan of action like I used to do. Instead, I find myself patiently waiting to see what God will do in our lives this year. I guess you could say I have finally learned to be content. And with that contentment has come a new appreciation for the everyday things in life.

The tragedy of September 11, 2001, caused many of us to slow down and reevaluate the way we live our lives. We were reminded not to take things for granted. We were forced to face the fact that life as we know it can be changed in an instant. As parents, we should have been living with that realization all along. We watch our children grow and change from one moment to the next.

Neil and I were amazed when our tiny son rolled over for the first time. We applauded when he took his first steps. I waved goodbye (and cried a few tears) when he climbed onto that big, yellow bus the first day of school. I waved goodbye again (and cried a few more tears) as we drove away from the college campus where he would spend his next four years.

And this past year, we applauded again when he walked across the stage to receive his degree. Soon after, we cried tears of joy as he walked down the aisle of the chapel with his bride to begin their new lives together.

And it all happened in an instant. Of course, it is not tragic for our children to grow and mature as God intended. The tragedy occurs when we do not take the time to cherish each moment before it is gone.

There have been other changes this past year. Once again we made that familiar trip to college, this time to move our youngest son into the freshman dorm. Our nest is now empty, and the house is quiet. I have had a lot of time to reflect on the years we spent raising our boys. We made some mistakes along the way; we learned some important lessons. But for the most part, I think we did a pretty good job.

Early on, Neil and I made the decision that apart from our own personal relationships with God, our children would come first – before work, before play, before friends, even before church. That did not mean we planned to cater to their every whim. What it did mean was that their needs would be considered before, during, and after every decision that had to be made.

It did not take us long to realize their greatest need was our time. Giving our children the time they needed meant making some difficult decisions when it came to work. I am thankful I had the opportunity to stay at home or work around their schedules as the boys were growing up. Of course, that meant little or no extra income and often doing without some things. But now as I think back, I cannot even remember what those things were.

When Neil’s travel schedule negatively began to impact the time he could spend with the children, he left a job he loved so he could spend more time with the family he loved. When the boys were in junior high and high school, I went back to work full time. That is one of my regrets – not the working, but the obsessing about the work after I got home. Neil and I both had to learn to “leave it at the office.”

Putting our children first did not always make us popular with our friends. I did not stay home from work to talk on the phone all day or to hire baby sitters to watch my children while I did other things. Neil did not change jobs so he would have more time to spend on the golf course. And there were times when we found ourselves overcommitted at church and had to pull back a little. It is easy to get caught up in “doing good.”

However, sometimes “doing good” means being there to read your son a story before bedtime. We spent our time with our children or with other families and their children. Our children were our hobbies, our entertainment, our leisure, our exercise, and our mission field. Now that is not to say we were not active in the church, or that we never went out, or that we spent every minute of every day with our children. That would not be healthy for any of us. But we did decline enough offers to “get away from the children” that one of the deacons in our church called us “a very private family.”

If I had it all to do over again, I would do it pretty much the same. Only this time I would not waste time stressing about things that do not really matter. I would not charge through my day trying to accomplish everything on my list of things to do. I would be content to sit in the middle of the floor playing Legos® with my boys while the spaghetti on the plates in the kitchen sink turns to concrete. I would cherish each and every moment because I know how quickly they fade away.

My New Year’s resolution this year is not to make any resolutions. I will simply do my best to honor God by living every day to the fullest. I will trust God with the future. And just because my peanut butter and jelly days are over, it does not mean my work as a mom is done. I may not be able to tuck my boys in at night, but I can pray for God to spread His blanket of love and protection over them as they continue to grow into the men God created them to be.

Vickie Knierim and her husband, Neil, live in Mount Juliet, Tennessee. Vickie is a writer, speaker, and proud mother of two boys.

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