Tips on Managing Conflict Between Youth

If you work with teenagers in your youth group, one thing is certain: At some point, you're going to be called on to help settle a disagreement between your young people. So how can you accomplish this and still function as Christ-like role model, a trusted friend and Bible teacher?

It's not as big a minefield as you might think.

While the Bible is clear that our words should be productive and spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15), such communication often must be learned. The challenge for youth workers is not only to communicate with love, but to help youth know how to speak kindly and how to deal constructively with disagreements when they arise.

A second challenge for youth workers is to refuse to get involved in any specific disagreement. Avoid taking sides when youth come to you for support. Let them know that you support them in their effort to work through the issue, but don't take sides. Paul warned Timothy, "Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments." (2 Timothy 2:23)

So what do you say to youth when they come to you in the midst of a disagreement? Consider these suggestions:

Stress the power that their words possess. Make sure they understand they can't throw loose, destructive words around and expect the disagreement to be solved easily.
When they are upset, encourage them to identify the source of the tension. If a teenage boy is upset with his parents for grounding him, he may choose to strike out at his best friend. Help him identify the tension clearly.
Encourage the members of your class or youth group not to take sides in a disagreement between teenagers. Instead, encourage them to support the resolution of the problem.
When a teenager is upset with someone, encourage the teenager to go directly to the person with whom they are upset. Urge them not to talk about it with friends. Many times, that will only make the situation worse. Help your teenagers to deal with and resolve problems one-on-one in a Christ-like manner.
Lead by example. When a problem surfaces between adults on a mission trip or a choir tour, etc., use the situation as an opportunity to model the right kind of conflict resolution for your teenagers. The leader is the lesson. Your teenagers may learn far more from how you handle a conflict with another adult than they will from a month of Bible study lessons on the subject.

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