When Work Styles Clash
Think about it: Are you given to being around people or by yourself? What about the pastor or minister for whom you work? Does he often think aloud, or does he tend to chew on things before speaking his mind? In your communication with your minister, is there openness and honesty? Have you experienced frustration with your minister but haven't been quite sure how to express it? If you haven't taken time to examine your communication environment at work, consider the different factors of personality types and ways to resolve conflict.
Examples of Working Styles of Ministers and Secretaries
Ministers and secretaries must take the different styles of interaction into consideration: extroverted versus introverted personalities.
The extrovert: He/she doesn't know what to think until he/she had time to talk about it. Extroverts think out loud. Extroverted people derive their energy from talking and being with other people.
The introvert: Introverted people need time to process their thoughts quietly before speaking. Introverts find their energy in quiet introspection.
Conflict often arises when type and giftedness are not understood and appreciated. Paul wrote: "Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to us (Romans 12:4-6)." We are different in everything from our personal histories to our world views.
First-Party Conflict Management
As I was interviewing my secretary friends on this topic of communication, one commented about a minister with whom she had worked. She said, "He is the sweetest person, but he nearly always gets his work to me late or comes in 30 minutes before closing and says, 'I need this tonight.'"
An appropriate response for a "so-sweet minister" could be, "Pastor, you are one of the nicest people I know, but when you don't get your material to me on time, I feel frustration and anger." This is called first-party conflict management.
Here is the formula: "When you did or said (the action/words), I felt (name the feeling)." This response is appropriate when you need to initiate the conversation in any of this example or others you experience.
If this response doesn't take place, the frustration and anger likely will become pent-up inside you, which can either jeopardize relationships if you act on your feelings, or harm you emotionally if you keep them to yourself.
Direct Expression of Feelings
Direct expression can take many forms. Consider these scenarios:
- One secretary described her pastor as a dictator. "You cannot talk or reason with him. We know when he comes in the room, he is going to blast us. So we quit talking!" she said.
A possible direct expression response may be, "Pastor, I want to be an effective secretary and coworker with you, but when you blast me and will not listen to me, I feel hurt and anger. Can you help me?"
- One secretary said a previous pastor was constantly looking over her shoulder to see what she was doing. She was uncomfortable and felt angry and distrusted.
You could respond, "Pastor, when you stand looking over my shoulder, I feel pressure and distrust in doing my job. Will you help me? Thank you."
When these frustrations have been buried in our unconscious mind and body, they can and do drive our behavior outwardly toward others or inwardly on ourselves. Both can be devastating in their results.
Helping Secretaries and Ministers When Work Styles Clash
Two issues that stand out in churches experiencing stress and conflict are trust and communication. One person or group cannot resolve these concerns. It is like a bridge with traffic flowing in two directions.
First, there must be a clarifying of expectations. This is more than a job description, which is a formal written statement. It includes informal expectations that may have been discussed verbally as well as tacit expectations that have not been written or discussed. Distrust comes from experiencing broken expectations.
You can also profit from excellent training in conflict management and resolution. It can provide a model for clarifying expectations and how to respond to broken expectations through planned renegotiation.
Often the center of conflict seems to reside within the church staff. Styles of administration and ministry are incompatible. If staff does not model trust and practice healthy communication, the congregation will be affected negatively.
Too often, denial prevents confrontation and resolution. There are concepts and skills that are effective in building trust and communication. While there are many different teaching programs, I have found the Myers-Briggs type Indicator extremely helpful in understanding personality types and team building. If dealing with difficult people is a problem for you and your church staff, this is an excellent way to bridge that gap.
Communication skills are essential in building and maintaining trust. We always communicate, but not always in ways that build up one another. The power of learning and practicing effective listening skills cannot be overestimated. Skills in conflict management and resolution make this a complete package of basic and some advanced skills. These will enable you to develop some effective ways of coping and surviving your working with people who have differing work styles.
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