Making an Impact with the Men in Your Church

Written by Adapted from a seminar by Geoff Gorsuch

Think you can start a men's ministry group by persuading a bunch of guys to get together and talk about their feelings? Forget it. The word "feelings" is a bad word for men. You just don't go there if you are trying to start a men's ministry group.

Men are more motivated when you give them challenges. Tell them, "We are going to meet together because we want to take the Christian life more seriously. We want to build better families. We want to change this community." You can't get them there by saying you want to develop a deep, intimate group.

To reach men, you as a leader have to find out where they are mentally, emotionally and spiritually and then connect with them. Let's examine how men relate to each other, how men should understand themselves and what the final goal of men's ministry is.

The Group Dynamic

Unlike women's groups, you can't just stick your church's men in a room together, give them coffee and doughnuts and expect them to relate to each other. Why? Let's look at a biological concept.

Men are "linear" and women are "integrated." This concept is biologically provable. Scientists wired up a bunch of fellows and a bunch of gals with EEGs and gave them a problem to solve. Only half of a man's brain lit up when he was in a problem solving mode, and the entire brain lit up when women were trying to solve a problem, according to the results.

What does that amount to? It means women can integrate feelings and facts at the same time. Another way of saying that is that men have to process facts before facing feelings. Women have to process feelings before they can face the facts.

What that means for men's ministry is that leaders don't start off fuzzing and feeling with men. That comes much later.

Women bond face to face very well. Put them in a room with a cup of coffee, and they will figure out how to have a party. Put men in a room with a cup of coffee, and they will look around and say, "Who's in charge? Why are we here?" You as a men's ministry leader need to take these ideas into consideration when planning events for the men in your church.

The Struggle with Identity

Another important issue to consider is not just how men relate to each other, but how they identify themselves. Like Adam, men are struggling with their identities, their responsibilities and isolation issues. When the serpent began a conversation with Eve, Adam should have taken some authority. Instead of telling Satan to "get out of here," Adam was silent and passive, and he eventually ate the fruit.

Adam did three things wrong:

• He had an identity crisis. God made it clear who was responsible, and what he was supposed to do. Adam forgot who he was. He was dazzled by the seduction of Eve's argument. Like Adam, modern man has forgotten who he is. We should remind him who he is as child of God.
• He was passive and irresponsible. Adam did not assert his authority, and once a man knows he's been irresponsible, his backbone is gone.
• He isolated himself. Adam hid himself from God after he had sinned; then he blamed and denied. I think we've vilified Eve a little too much on this. Hey, it was Adam's call. Satan didn't take on Adam because Eve seemed a little more vulnerable. The original covenant was between God and Adam. Men's ministry groups speak to those who have figured out isolation doesn't cut it.

When you help men realize God's intent for their identities, you will help them become more Christ-like in their walk and in their roles in their families and society.

The Final Goal

Finally, let's think about what we're working toward when thinking about men's ministry. The goal is to help your men become more like Christ. Starting that process with men's ministry can be like running the bases of a baseball diamond.

The process starts as we step up to the plate with the desire and the determination to become more like Christ. At first base, men become acquainted with each other and accept one another. At second base, the relationships progress to the level of friendship where they encourage one another. At third base, they begin to feel like brothers and consider it OK to exhort or admonish one another.

At this point, we're brothers, vitally interested in helping each other reach home plate - growth in Christ.

It's important for men's ministry leaders to know that men just need an area of safety. Don't get into too much emotion, intimacy or exposure too soon. It's not that men can't or won't cry, but they have to have a safe place to do it.

Once you realize how men relate to each other, what their God-given identity is and how they can move toward the goal of growth in Christ, you can make your men's ministry more effective. Connect with the men in your church's ministry, and watch them mature as men and as Christian leaders.

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