40 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships

Written by Miriam Drennan

Strengthening anything – muscles, mind, heart and yes, relationships – requires action. You must take decisive action to care for and grow any relationship – stretch it, work it out and watch it get stronger.

The following tips are fairly adaptable, depending on the relationship (whether it’s your best friend, co-worker, potential spouse, or spouse). When you’re working on certain relationships in your life, keep in mind that you are not called to be everyone’s best friend, but you are called to be salt and light (Matthew 5:13–14). Here are 40 practical ways to strengthen any relationship.

1. LifeWay Recommends The Five Love Languages explores the all-important languages of love, helping each partner discover which actions are interpreted by the other one as loving and affirming, and which as indifferent and demeaning.

   Start addressing your Christmas cards. Now. Send them early. 
   
2. "Thank-you Thursdays." Every Thursday, deliver a special thank you in the form of a written note, e-mail, telephone call, flowers, or other special message. Why? For friendship, working late, or just for knowing them. Why Thursday? It’s easier to remember.
   
3. Don’t interrupt!
   
4. Bake bread. People love homemade bread and it’s inexpensive to make. My postman loves it. Might explain why my mail gets delivered personally on rainy days and why he always has a bone for my dog.
   
5. Bring doughnuts. It’s a great way to start a Monday at the office or brighten your favorite auto mechanic’s day.
   
6. Play chess via snail mail. Yep, you read right: snail mail.
   
7. Connect over coffee. It’s not pricey or loaded with calories, and chances are, the coffeehouse also serves tea and hot chocolate for the non-coffee drinker in your life. Iced chai or ice cream is a refreshing alternative on hot summer days.
   
8. Have a Sushi Night…or a night of anything out of the ordinary you enjoy – skydiving, belly-dancing, fencing – something that most people might not go for, but the two of you share a passion for and can claim as your own.
   
9. Use a “friendship ball” in lieu of gifts. A German tradition, this is a hollow ball with a hinge on it – perfect for stuffing with a bag of potpourri, cookie mix, etc. Exchange this same ball at every gift- giving occasion and get creative with its contents. Who knows? It may become an heirloom exchanged between your families for generations.
   
10. Use the If book by Sean Michael Dever. It is, by far, the ultimate book of icebreakers. Caveat: Some of the questions get very personal, but you’re adults. Determine your own comfort levels.
    
11. Listen! Listen! Listen!
    
12. Spend time apart. Probably one of the most important and undervalued parts of a healthy relationship.
    
13. Develop patience. Quick reminders: People can’t read your mind; they don’t always think like you or drop everything for you; and sometimes, you just need to wait to get the full story.
    
14. Discover your own flaws. Find ’em and correct ’em. “That’s just who I am,” you protest, but that doesn’t make your behavior okay. Put on your fix-it hat and go at it.
    
15. Get inconvenienced. Part of being a friend involves some level of inconvenience every now and then.
    
16. Take a course neither of you has much background in but are both interested in. With most people, this is usually a foreign language, self-defense, or cooking class.
    
17. Go on a day-trip. More than likely, you’re within two hours of a great hiking trail, park, beach, or museum.
    
18. Be an encourager. Ask yourself, “Is this something that will enrich him or her?” and encourage accordingly.
    
19. Compliment – don’t compete (1 Peter 4:10).
    
20. Celebrate obscure or made-up holidays. National Potato Day deserves recognition. Or if it’s a new romance, celebrate your own Valentine’s Day. Who cares if it’s July?
    
21. Say the mizpah. Introduced in Genesis 31:49, the mizpah is a prayer or declaration for God to watch over the two of you while you’re apart. My grandparents adopted it as a family tradition.
    
22. Memory map. This is particularly fun for out-of-town friends who have visited or for people who have moved away. Take a map of your city and mark it with your “landmarks” – certain restaurants, parks, places you shared. It can be funny, sentimental, and handy for their return visit.
    
23. Picnic in a local spot. Pick a nice day and enjoy some time together.
    
24. Comfort Food/Grandma’s Sunday Lunch Night. Everyone brings a favorite “comfort food” from childhood. Don’t plan a menu or you’ve missed the point. So what if you end up with six casseroles and a gross gelatin mold with fruit trapped inside?
    
25. Never miss an opportunity to congratulate someone.
    
26. Send “just because” cards or trinkets. They can lift anyone’s spirits.
    
27. Go somewhere obscure. Whether you live in the same town or on different coasts, pick some obscure place – not quaint or trendy, but obscure – and discover it together.
    
28. Share a goofy activity. Make a pact to keep this event secret. It wouldn’t do, for example, if the professional world discovered you opted to play “Mystery Date” or make macaroni sculptures instead of attending some corporate schmooze-party.
    
29. Remember birthdays—Forgive friends if they forget yours.
    
30. Volunteer for community service. Mission trips are a nice option, but an ongoing project creates a special bond and also opens doors to new relationships.
    
31. Follow up and follow through. Be known as a person who keeps his word; follow up on conversations and follow through on promises.
    
32. Don’t interrogate. If you invite her to something, let her yes be a yes and no be a no. No questions asked.
    
33. Visit a friend's church.
    
34. Retreat. Plan well enough in advance and pick a different locale each year if you want. Develop some specific traditions.
    
35. Develop other relationships. Whether you’re on the giving or receiving end of the dependency issue, this is not the third grade. It’s healthy to have other friendships.
    
36. Welcome vulnerability. Crying is not for wimps.
    
37. Laugh together often.
    
38. Pray for one another. If you’re both Christians, you are connected supernaturally. Partake of that wonderful privilege.
    
39. Be trustworthy. You shouldn’t have to verbally qualify all conversations with “this is confidential.”
    
40. Say “I was wrong. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Yep, all three statements. Don’t rehash it with another friend and don’t bring it up next month. It’s over (Leviticus 19:18).

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