A little over a year ago, I collaborated with a student to write an article for the periodical Youth Ministry Update. The main premise of the article was the question, is youth ministry in Southern Baptist churches family-friendly? At issue is the too-common image of the mini-van pulling up in the parking lot of the church on Sunday morning. The members of the family place a time-out on whatever they have been arguing about (the devil knows it's Sunday morning). Individual family members pile out of the car to head for their separate, yet age-appropriate places of instruction, only to be completely reunited later that night after a day of Sunday School class, worship service, deacons meeting, youth choir, discipleship, and miscellaneous fellowships. Activities rule the day.

The current model of youth ministry employed by most church and parachurch organizations is an adult-intensive model of youth ministry. Adult volunteers steer the youth ministry, sometimes under the leadership of a paid youth minister. These adults have passion and commitment for youth ministry and have made the model work for the past 40 or so years.The adults, often in consultation with youth, place various activities and programs on the church calendar so that at various times during the week, Mom or Dad bring their youth back to the church for youth activities. Families can (and often do) worship together. Youth ministers deliberately plan youth activities to coincide with churchwide schedules so that parents can avoid additional chauffeuring duty. Still, relatively few activities intentionally place parents and teens together in a setting that emphasize the family relationship in order to foster spiritual development, even if the spiritual goal is simply to have fun together. A more typical picture is for the adult role to be one of teaching, food service, or crowd control. For many youth ministries this continues to be the model of parent-youth interaction.

If the portrait above is accurate, youth ministry today runs on a parallel track with the crisis in the American family.  Unintentionally, youth ministries can isolate teenagers from their  families. Not enough attention is given to the diverse needs of varied family structures (single-parent, blended, economically disadvantaged). A new model in youth ministry has been suggested by Mark DeVries (1994), Merton Strommen (1997) and others. Described as Family-Based Youth Ministry, these models propose an alternative to age-separated programming by suggesting that families should do youth ministry together. An extreme implementation of such a model would involve (as DeVries did with his Nashville group), the disbanding of the traditional youth meeting in favor of involving parents in all youth ministry programming. 

One of the strengths of the church is the intergenerational aspect of congregational life that allows for a community of faith to participate in the developmental journey which has been the focus of this resource. The strength of the church is diminished when adolescents are sequestered in adrenaline-filled youth meetings, only to have to leave the youth ministry upon high school graduation for a style of "doing church" that is perceived as less exciting.

A key to understanding DeVries' strong argument for family-based youth ministry is found in clarification of his definition of family. DeVries includes the extended family comprised of the church congregation. Anecdotal confirmation came in a retreat with volunteer youth leaders. One youth worker told of an unusually good perception of the youth ministry by the adults due to the "card ministry." The youth in the church had begun to write cards of encouragement to senior adults, which opened lines of communication and initiated some positive intergenerational relationships. DeVries affirmed such relationships. "Absolutely. The extended church family is valuable as surrogate, especially for youth who are in single-parent families." (DeVries 1994; followed up by interview).

In 1996, Merton Strommen founded the Youth and Family Institute at Augsburg College in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  Dr. Dick Hardell serves as the executive director. Augsburg now offers a bachelor's degree in youth and family ministry. According to Dr. Strommen, the program was started due to demand from churches. Unlike the combination staff positions, which added responsibility without training, Augsberg's is an integrated degree, equipping youth and family ministers for a position in which youth and family are treated as one. The core values of the program are (Parks 1998):

• Families are the primary unit of faith and values formation.
• Congregations have significant roles in strengthening families and supporting them in their nurture of faith and values in children and youth.
• Communities are the larger context of faith and life.
• Children, youth, and parents are best served by partnerships among families.

In the same vein as DeVries' model, the degree program at Augsberg seeks to train ministers to integrate rather than isolate teenagers in the church context. According to Dr. Hardell, "The ministry of youth and family will not focus on the slice of pie but will recognize that youth and family are a pie in themselves" (Clark 1998). 

It is not as easy to implement family-friendly youth ministry as simply declaring that "we love families now." Back in the chapter on social development, we talked about the social draw of the peer group. A latent tension exists between family-based youth ministry and age-separate or age-appropriate youth ministry. Developmentally, teenagers are beginning to separate from their parents, and healthy parents are helping their youth to leave the nest. Adolescent individuation is the emotional pulling away from parents in order to forge a unique sense of self. In addition to historical and theological factors, which suggest that individuation (and maybe by implication, age-specific youth ministry) is healthy, the differences between adolescents and adults have been well documented from the sociologist's point of view. It is no myth that in many instances youth prefer their peers to adult company. At what point, though, have adults given up their powerful influence by assuming that teens rarely, if ever, want to be with their families?

Youth ministers should assess their calendars to see which events are actually unfriendly to families. When a lock-in ends at 7:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, and parents have to get out of bed to come get their kids, one could make a case for family~ unfriendliness. Additionally, the question should be asked, "How can we program to make the most of what families are supposed to be?" What incredible dynamics might come about if youth are working side by side with their parents on a mission project or if the parents do not have to rely on second-hand reports of the awesome things that God did at youth camp? While the total disbanding of age-separate programming is unrealistic, many youth ministers are increasingly open to the possibility of family-friendly events. The Bible study curriculum released by LifeWay Christian Resources for Fall 2000 features a plan whereby all family members study the same biblical themes (and in most cases the same passages) in their age-graded classes. The curriculum designers hope that the plan will facilitate conversation between parents and teenagers about the truths of God's word.

Chap Clark and Pam Erwin have given eight suggestions as a starting line for a family-based youth ministry (Rice and Clark 1998, 49-52).

• Consider family times and needs when scheduling youth events.
• Avoid assuming the role of parents.
• Try not to make parents look bad.
• Keep parents informed.
• Encourage and offer support for families.
• Refrain from undermining parents' judgment or authority.
• Include families in youth events.
• Connect teenagers with the extended church family.

For the most part these are self-explanatory.  DeVries, Ross, and Dunn and Senter offer practical suggestions in the implementation of family friendly ministry. (See Ross, Life Changing Events for Youth and Their Families for suggestions in addition to the many that Mark DeVries gives in his book.) Ministry with youth and families will likely be the youth ministry story of the new millennium.