Blended Families

More than half of 21st-century marriages in the United States will end in divorce. Many of these marriages will involve children, and the parents may get married again, creating blended families with new and unique challenges, issues, and problems. According to a Web site produced by Blue Cross Blue Shield, blended families may produce as many as eight people who consider themselves to be grandparents of one child. This is but one of many situations which are different for blended families. Who has authority over the children? Who watches the preschoolers when parents or stepparents are away? Who is responsible for disciplining the preschoolers? How can you ensure some degree of consistency in the lives of these boys and girls? These questions must often be negotiated and difficulties resolved.

Four basic tasks confront blended families: (1) parenting, (2) managing change, (3) separating the current marriage from the previous one, and (4) dealing with the parent who does not live in the same house. Depending on how blended families deal with these four issues, a new family structure is developed. This new family may be a new traditional one, a romantic family, or a matriarchal family. The new traditional family tries to operate with harmony, love, and traditional values; but they realize they must work hard at it, given the many added people with whom a blended family must communicate.

A romantic family is similar to a new traditional family, with one main exception. The romantic family expects to have harmony and love established from the start. This is somewhat unrealistic, considering the amount of adjustments blended families must make. In some blended families the mother has the desire to take the dominant role and be the family leader. With these families a matriarchal pattern may be established for the new stepfamily. (For more information see Mary Lou Fuller and Glenn Olsen, eds., Home-School Relations: Working Successfully with Parents and Families [Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1998].)

Church leaders must be sensitive to the complex nature of blended or stepfamilies. There is much to consider when working with children from blended families. During the early days of the new family structure, some children will be angry and have difficulties adjusting. Others will not. Showing patience, caring for the child, and listening to the child can provide a tremendous amount of support during these days. Another thing to consider is the religious conflict that may occur within blended families. A child's biological parents or even the stepparents may have different views on religion, church attendance, and denominational differences. Children may even be asked to go to one church with one parent one Sunday and a different church with another parent the next Sunday.

How many children in your group come from blended families? Do these children have special needs? How can you help meet these needs?