Why Is Marriage Being Postponed?

It is likely that the young adults with whom you serve are single. Why? Because marriage is being postponed. In 1970, the average first-time marriage ages were: men, 23.2 years old; women, 20.8 years old. In 1998, the average first-time marriage ages were: men, 25.0 years old; women, 26.7 years old ("Facts of Life," comp. John MacIntyre, Spirit, June 1999, American Airlines Publishing, DFW Airport, TX, 152).

You'll note that the average age for men to marry the first time increased less than two years in two decades. However, during that same period of time, the average age for women to marry for the first time has increased almost six years. Average, of course, means that about as many folks younger as older married for the first time at those ages. Therefore, the odds are that most of the emerging, young adults you lead are single. But, why? Is it because marriage is unpopular? Certainly not. Indeed, if current trends continue, 92 percent of America's adults are likely to marry sometime.

Here's a Thought: Ask the single young adults you serve if they would like to one day marry. If the answer is yes, continue by asking why they are choosing to wait to marry. See if any of the following answers come up.

• A marriage squeeze—Since men have historically married women who are a couple of years younger than themselves, the demographics of the baby boom and baby bust resulted in more women than men of marriageable age. The popular description of this phenomena from women is usually, "All the good ones are taken." Over time, this phenomenon will play out, and we may see a slow lowering of the average age of first-time marriages.
  
  
• Longer education pursuits—The popularity of community- and distance educational programs, along with the general cost of a college, graduate school, or professional school education has resulted in a lengthening of the time young adults are in school, part-time or full-time. School years are generally thought of as a time to play the field or concentrate on studies. Therefore, this increase in time spent in school has a correlating increase on the average age of first-time marriages.
  
  
• Female career choices—Since 1970, a exponentially growing number of career paths have opened for women. In order to complete formal training for those careers or to concentrate energies on establishing themselves in the early stages of careers, more women are postponing marriage. This single factor explains the massive difference in the impact of 20 years on the average age of women and men marrying for the first time.
  
  
• Career first—Both men and women place career decisions ahead of marriage. This generation of young adults has been bombarded by the availability of entry-level jobs with little hope for future advancement because of the enormous number of baby boomers ahead of them. However, as these late members of the buster generation step up to the career plate, they are finding increasing opportunities. Boomers are aging and opting for early retirement or being downsized out of companies. They are likely to pursue other avocational interests, but their departure does represent a swing in career path opportunities for young adults entering the work force. Many will postpone their first marriage in order to make the best of such opportunities.
  
  
• Historically based fear of future commitment—This issue is what some call the residual affect of high divorce rates from the 1960s to the end of the century. An entire generation has been raised not to trust the institution of marriage. Many of the young adults you serve are the children of broken homes. Fortunately, early research indicates that those who do marry are trying harder to make it last, largely because of their first-hand knowledge of the impact of divorce. However, this fear factor has resulted in delayed marriages.

What did your research reveal? Were the basic reasons the same? Which additional reasons were discovered in your interviews? How do these realities impact the way you minister to and with young adults? What are the potential impacts on the way they use their time, including how they make their time available to you?

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Adapted by Dr. Randy Millwood, from Contemporary Adulthood 5th ed., written by Jeffrey S. Turner and Donald B. Helms (San Diego: Harcourt Trade Publishers, 1994). Dr. Millwood, associate professor, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, at the time he wrote these articles. He is now a consultant specialist for the Baptist Convention of Maryland/Delaware and director of the Church Health Center, Maryland/Delaware.