Today in America one out of four children is being raised by a single parent. For the most part, single parenthood is the result of a divorce; however there are other possibilities such as single-parent adoption, births out of wedlock, widowhood, and separation of marital partners. Divorce, and attendant single parenthood, is not a respecter of persons. Divorce happens to the nicest persons! This article focuses on the special challenges single parents face as the result of divorce.

Take a quick quiz on single parenthood. Are these statements true or false? And, more importantly, why do you believe them to be so?

Economic Concerns of Single Parents

Single-parent families headed by mothers are the poorest of all major demographic groups. The economic position of these parents has declined in recent years in comparison to the aged and disabled. These families are subject to new economic realities: income loss, loss of home, and change of employment are just a few examples. The economic challenges vary according to whether the mothers and fathers are never married, divorced, separated, or widowed. Poverty and economic insecurities of single parents are the result of the low earnings capacity of single mothers, the lack of child support from the ex-spouse, and the meager benefits accorded by public assistance programs. The startling fact is clear: one out of two mother-only families are poor, and in these families poverty lasts much longer.

Women face an uphill battle in digging out of poverty caused by divorce. The have low income, must provide child support, and may have little work experience, which puts them in a lower economic group. It is an illusion that fathers pay child support. At best only 40 percent of fathers pay child support of any kind. In most cases they do not pay all they owe. Their meager allowance will not even pay for childcare.

Social Concerns of Single Parents

Single parents not only face economic concerns including unemployment, but their children also face social development problems such as dropping out of school and forming mother-only families themselves. In a mother-only family mom becomes the daddy, too. Unfortunately being a single parent may lower a mother's self-esteem. Being a single parent because of a broken marriage makes one feel rejected and dejected. Single moms often experience role overload because they assume both father and mother roles and do not feel adequate as a parent because of household tasks, childcare, and economic pressures.

Church Ministry with Single Parents

Churches can minister to single parents by remembering that single-parent families have three needs: redemption/rehabilitation, acceptance and love, and to belong or not be lonely. Here's a brief list of ministries some churches provide for single parents:

• Holiday events
  
  
• Big brothers and big sisters to provide counseling experiences and role modeling
  
  
• Emotional support and practical advice to assist single parents in coping with their many demands

Some churches have single parents participating in ministry by:

• Offering family life education programs especially for single parents
  
  
• Including them in leadership positions in Sunday School and other activities
  
  
• Providing awareness of community resources such as health services, family counseling services, and job training opportunities
  
  
• Sponsoring single parents conferences, support groups, and Sunday School classes
  
  
• Having the pastor lead discussions of special concerns to groups of single parents

If you are reading this article and are a single parent yourself, consider building a support system. Support systems, people on whom we can depend particularly during times of stress, are important to all parents. Single parents might try the following tips for building a support system:

• Identify people you are convinced you can rely on.
  
  
• Write beside each name what that person can offer you (sympathy, motivation, guidance, planning, recreation, etc.).
  
  
• Place a checkmark by what you need right now. Number your needs in order of importance.
  
  
• Write out how you can ask the right support person for what you want.
  
  
• Plan a time to call or see your priority people.

Single Fathers Are Parents, Too

For the most part, fathers have been ignored when consideration is given to the adjustments of divorced parents and their children. Most information has dealt with the parent in custody, and in most cases this parent is the mother. It is not surprising, however, to find that fathers do care and are anxious about proper adjustments.

Even though a father may visit his children on a regular basis, circumstances are often strained. Such terms as "weekend father," and "Uncle Dad" indicate that the father is supplemental and not really necessary for his children anymore. When they go to movies on Saturday with their children, they can spot other single dads sitting alongside their children. Single dads blame themselves for their children's shortcomings. They carry around feelings of guilt, anger, confusion, reconciliation, and healing.

The single dad faces the feeling of being disqualified from speaking out, even in serious crisis moments. He feels parental pain because he cannot see his children every day and play a vital role in their lives. So some single dads overcompensate for their failures by becoming entertainers and gift givers, as they try to buy a bit of affection and respect while also trying to deal with the guilt over the divorce.

The children catch on. Daddy can buy me what I need and want. Mom is too strapped financially because of dad's lack of child support. If handled poorly by both parents, the father's visitation rights could become the saddest aspects of the divorce. These visits begin in anxiety and end in boredom.

The key is not how much time is spent with the children but rather the quality of that time. Single dads should not feel that they have to spend the rest of their lives dating their children. Admittedly, when they are with their children, they may feel that they need to be "double-time" parents. More than gifts and movies children need fathers to relax with them and be involved with their lives.

AdultApplication: How can finances be a problem for the single parent? Why is the loss of identity a problem for single parents? Why do single parents have problems with self-esteem? What are the major problems associated with child rearing that face the single parent? How is the loss of intimacy a problem for single parents? How is disruption a problem for the single parent?